I Mattered

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

But very little else did.

I was raised begging for attention, for fairness. No matter how hard I tried, how well behaved, I could never win. I used to describe myself as 3/10 must try harder.

My younger brother and I agreed when we got back together after our parents were gone, that we both thought the other was the favoured one, and we were shocked at what each other had been through.

As you may imagine

I spent my life trying to stay out of trouble via pleasing people, which is impossible as if they need pleasing in the first place you can guarantee pleasing them won’t be possible.

I did that by staying in faulty relationships, because of course it was all my fault so I must keep trying harder.

By staying in jobs that practically broke me, bro and I both agreed it didn’t matter if we were happy as long as we worked. Career, success, enjoyment, didn’t even factor. But of course you can’t give up because it’s your fault it isn’t working. Square pegs and round holes didn’t begin to describe what happened to us. They literally forced both of us into terrible, low paid, jobs. We could have done so much more.

I stayed in an abusive marriage, was sexually harassed at work for 10 years, couldn’t earn enough to save myself as I didn’t even get an O’ level. My headmistress did everything to get them to let me stay on at school but they said no.

Enough of that

I wanted to offer a flavour so that people who may be struggling to live a happy life know that I’m not saying the following glibly. I’m not pretending this is easy. It’s just what I’ve learned.

• Happiness is everything

• You have a right to live your own life
• You are equally as important as anyone else
• No one has a right to bully you
• It isn’t your race, gender, colour, creed, level of education, financial status, if people are making you feel worthless or treating you differently, it is 100% about them.
• Success does not define a human, the way they treat others does.
• Success is when you are happy.

As such, stay in no situation, no job/career, no relationship or friendship, where you are not happy. Particularly if you’re made to feel worthless or less respected. Happy is the ultimate test of everything.

Ignore people who tell you that you can’t be happy all the time, with the exception of natural problems – a passing, ill health, natural disasters – you jolly well can be happy and you are allowed to be.

You are allowed to think this way because…

You have rights. You matter. You’re important. You’re a child of the universe and we are all soul and all equal.

That feeling and belief that my soul is the true me, that I’m not trapped by my heritage and the beliefs of others, saved me. I define me.

Is that real, to me yes, but it’s also a harmless belief because as a spark of the divine we have a duty and responsibility to love, support, encourage, and do good, whenever and wherever we can.

That’s why this blog isn’t short, punchy, and funny. I see an opportunity to help people who are hurting and I take it. I try.

If you want a free chat about your troubles message me. I do help people, I do have qualifications to do so, but I work in a unique way. It’s not about talking about what you can’t change over and over again, being constantly reminded. That never works, solutions lie in a different future.

One last word of advice about what matters:

We’re trapped in so many rules and roles in this life. Told what we are and are both allowed to do and think. That what others believe is right. Others define us based on their hang ups (read ‘look deeper’ coming next). Based on their understanding of life or their needs.

This is all noise. Happiness in the only reality.

Deb xx