My Child

My Child said to me one day...

“Daddy there is someone at school who is different?”
I said
“There is no one at your school who is different.”

“But daddy there is, their skin is different to mine.”
“It may look different, but it still does the same job,
it holds their bodies together and hides their feelings.”

“Hides their feelings daddy?”
“Yes, skin is the only thing between us and the hurts of the world.”
“It’s very thin.”
“Yes, it is, and you should remember that.”
“Why daddy?”

“Because everyone feels hurt sometimes,
but people become so used to it they hold it inside.”
“Why?”

“Because they feel like no one cares.
But there, under their skin, are all the hurt feelings,
waiting to be healed.”

“How will that happen daddy?”
“It will happen when people take care what they say and do.
When people understand that they don’t understand others.
And that whatever side of the fence you’re on,
those on the other side are just as human as you are.
And it works both ways.”
“Both ways?”

“Yes, my child.
It is easy for anyone to feel innocent,
as if they are the only one being hurt,
and that is because it’s too easy to think that what hurts you
is the only hurt.  The only way to be hurt.”
“I don't understand.”

“Okay.  People are hurt because of their skin colour, their gender,
their level of intelligence, their lack of experience, or success.  They’re hurt by the place they were born, the people they called friends, the partners that beat them and diminish them.
There are so many hurts.”

“And none is worse than the other?”
“That’s right my child, all hurts hurt,
and you cannot look at a person and say,
that the way they appear means they have never been hurt.”
“Because appearance doesn’t protect anyone?”
“Exactly.”

“Is there anything you can be that is better than anything else
so that you don’t get hurt daddy?”
“In your world, the answer appears to be no, my child.
Whatever you are can be used against you
by people who need to do that.”
“What kind of people are those?  I would like to avoid them!”

“Then avoid frightened, angry people. People so certain they’re right
that they can’t see beyond that.  Avoid people who take such pride
in being what they are that they think that’s the only thing to be.
People who take their sense of self from their race, their gender, their religion, where they were born, where they live,
how much money they have.
They’re all frightened. 
And these things aren’t a route to inclusion.”

“Okay daddy, but there is one thing…”
“Yes, my child?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be omnipotent?
Doesn’t that mean you have all the answers?”
“I Am and I do.”
“So, what is the answer,
what is the best thing to be so all the hurt stops?”

“Love my child.
I told you all over 2000 years ago, but no one listened.”
“Oh!”
“Will you listen?”
“Yes daddy.”

“Then the world just became a far better place.”


Deb Hawken
December 2022
With love

I’ve Never Felt so Useful!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Many years ago, when I accidentally started by spiritual journey by becoming a medium in the middle of a telephone call, I could never have believed how the work I do would change, and how important it has become. I call it practical spirituality for everyday living.

In the beginning

There was mediumship. I’d heard of it, I’d read Doris Stoke’s books in the 1980’s, and enjoyed them. At the time I was so terrified of the subject of death that I wouldn’t even say the word. Me being me, I decided I wanted to fight that feeling, so when Doris’ books came out I decided to face it head on. I had no real idea what the first book was about but it looked interested. Thanks to her we landed up in agreement, dying no longer frightened me, but how was a different matter!

I mean SERIOUSLY?!

The mediumship came in unexpectedly because I’d never once considered that the subject had anything to do with me. It was the first miracle of my spiritual life, and I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

This is why I know it’s real. When it switches on when you were making no effort to do such a thing, when you’d never even vaguely considered it, something more has to be going on.

Now I’m psychic???!!!

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

I then discovered that there was another aspect to spiritual work. A medium is a radio aerial that can pick up the energy of those who have passed. A psychic can tune into and read human energy. They’re quite different abilities. And no I don’t go round reading strangers for fun, firstly it would be too tiring, but most importantly it would be incredibly rude. As bad as asking for someone’s purse or wallet and going through them to see where they bank.

Totally and utterly unacceptable at every possible level.

However, I found that I could look at people and know how they were feeling. Then by another fluke I was introduced to card readings, such as Tarot, and the more I mixed in the spiritual field the more ways I discovered for understanding other people at a deeper level.

It gets better-ish

Photo by Alina Vilchenko on Pexels.com

Finally, I discovered that I was also a healer. Again, quite by accident.

My husband wanted to go on a spiritual healing course, and as we were fairly newly in love at the time, I was expected to go with him and be supportive etc., even though I wasn’t allowed to sit with him (just why?!) When the course started the tutor looked around the room and said, ‘there are only two true healers in this room, they both have the purple top to their auras, that man and that lady, and if I don’t miss my mark they’ve come here together.’

I don’t work as a healer though. It didn’t feel right to me. Well, not a hands on healer, but therein lies another surprise…I’m a voice healer.

Now that may sound jolly nice, except it wasn’t. The room was mainly full of ladies, and you can imagine how amazing it was to have a young man in the room, declared to be a true healer, that they could flutter their eyelashes at. Some of the people there were very nice, but the majority weren’t impressed by the fact that he was married already, and I took the brunt of it. That was my first lesson from spirit that whilst something may be uncomfortable, it can also be the best thing that ever happened to you in the long term. That was where I began to look at spirituality in another way. Which leads us to now.

Boy do we need help!

It won’t be any surprise to anyone when I say that this work is rather a mess! In fact today I was talking to an old friend in South Africa who told me that her society was struggling in exactly the same way as we in the UK are. I know that many countries are encountering events they never expected to see in their land. For example, there was a drive-by shooting at a funeral in England recently, and no one has the foggiest idea why. It wasn’t a mob funeral, it was just the funeral of a young lady who died. That’s just one thing that regularly leaves me searching for my eyebrows in my hairline.

Spirit have responded by upping the anti when it comes to spiritual work and connecting with their realm. Which shouldn’t be a surprise as they’re only there to help us.

Meet Amos (the anti-upper)

This image is part of another one of my surprises. A friend of mine is a spirit artist, he painted this. The first guide he painted was White Cloud (Amos is my third guide).

Luke suddenly said to me one day ‘could I paint White Cloud for you?’ Dummy that I was I asked ‘yes, but how will you know what to paint?’ to which he replied ‘I can see him, he’s standing behind you’, and he pointed to the correct shoulder where White Cloud always stood.

When I received the painting, Luke’s first guide painting ever, I was genuinely amazed that Luke could see and paint what I could only see in my mind’s eye. It was White Cloud. This is Amos. Mind-boggling doesn’t begin to describe it.

Amos came in a little later, and we’ve worked together since about 2000. In that time he’s helped me in my work, but he’s also taught me so much about what it can mean to be human. He’s helped me to become a better person. He isn’t really, really spiritual and complex (although he is really really spiritual), he believes in simplicity. When I have a problem he will say:

‘Simplify it, simplify it, simplify it again. Is it as simple as you can make it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then simplify it again’.

It works brilliantly.

We work together to help others live happier lives, yes that old chestnut, but when you consider that when asked what enlightenment was, the Buddha himself said ‘happiness’, you start to realise that it isn’t such a woo-woo and unrealistic concept. The way we work is completely different to the coaching and counselling courses I do.

For example, I had a lady come to me saying that she had so many problems she literally had no idea what to do. Before she arrived I knew that I needed coloured pencils and a drawing pad. I asked her to write ‘problems’ in the centre of the page and do a mind map of all her problems, using whatever colours she felt drawn to for each problem. Colours have energy that tells you what kind of problem it is.

When I returned with the promised cup of tea, the page was filled with words. She said ‘look at this mess’. I smiled and pointed out that as she had only used three colours she actually only had three problems, all the side issues were directly related to one of the three, and she’d drawn that out herself.

In the wonderful testimonial she gave me she said “If anyone had ever told me that I would be sitting in front of Deb Hawken in our third and final session, telling her that all my problems were solved even the serious financial one, I would never have believed them.” She was a joy to work with though, she wanted help, she took the help, and she stepped into her own power. I really admired her.

So that’s the kind of evolution my work has followed, until recently. Such is the state of the energy on this planet, Amos and other guides decided that we needed more help. They connected us to a realm of helpers I didn’t even know existed, and taught us another tranche of the most practical, effective help, any of us have ever encountered.

Modernise or stagnate

Nothing in life stands still, and you don’t as a person, unless you’re one of those people so stuck in their ways that you’ve known you’re right for decades and have no further need of knowledge, or worse still anything new ideas appearing to attempt to change your worldview – which is of course an outrage of the highest order. I’ve known people like that and it didn’t lead to a youthful old age.

Spirituality has modernised, it’s much more focused on your own soul (the atoms that power your organic self), personal empowerment, and personal growth. The best part about it is that it is all personal, loving, based in kindness, respect, and all the other good emotions. It teaches that what you feel to be right in your life is right, providing you’re following your heart not your mind. Feeling is the ultimate guide.

If you’ve ever walked into a room to get married feeling shaky and horrible, knowing that you’re making a mistake, and used your mind to ignore that feeling, you will know that this is right. My soul knew my first husband and I were a disaster waiting to happen in a match made in hell, and I put the loud voice of my heart down to pre-wedding nerves.

If you’re not sure, pre-wedding nerves are a good thing, you’re nervous that you’re going to trip over walking down the aisle, that the wedding cake will be soggy, or the weather will ruin the photographs, but you’re in zero doubt that you want to marry that person. The heart telling you you’re wrong is not a joyful feeling at all, it’s an emotional claxon whose main message is ‘run’.

So there we go, long blog, long journey, much more fun and laughter, joy and happiness, and so much that’s interesting and inspiring. I read the other day that if you feel young you are in fact young no matter how many years you have on the clock. Apparently scientists have proven this. My first thought “thank you spirit, I have no time whatsoever to be bored and uninspired!”

It’s real and good stuff people!#

To your happiness

Deb

P.S. If you want to contact me or connect with Luke, send a message.

Newsletter – January 23

Having perfected the format (until I change it of course) I’ve decided to put my newsletter up on this blog so that more people get the opportunity to see it. Until now it’s been languishing on a fairly well-hidden Facebook page, doing very little good. As I write to try and do some good, this makes more sense.

Are you over it?

New year, new start, new resolutions. Are you still working on those changes or have you kind of slipped back into hibernation mode, snuggled under blankets, reading a book, watching tv, knowing that there’s plenty of time this year to create change. That’s what happened to last year, and in my case the 64 years before that!

Spiritual thinking can save you

If you are one of those people whose resolutions sound good on the 31st December and yet never quite work out, take heart, there’s a far better way to life your life that doesn’t mean letting yourself down every 12 months, or even every day.

The thinking that saved my sanity is a spiritual thinking based on life in this world, I used to call it ‘practical spirituality for everyday living’ as you can see. Bit of a mouthful but a neat description.

This isn’t a hurried thinking. It accepts that we develop from the cradle to the grave. Not that we ‘get better’, which suggests that at some point we were a worse person, but that throughout our lives we live, learn, love, and create ourselves into someone not of our parents’ making, not a result of the opinions of others, but our own person aligned with our own soul.

This renders resolutions pointless and takes away the pressure of having to do something to a deadline. Often resolutions represent what we ought to do, and let’s face it, if we’d wanted to do that thing we would just do it. My husband and I have pretty much ignored ‘dry January’ since forever. This year we had a two sentence discussion “shall we do dry January?”, “yes why not”, and that’s what we’re doing. I think so far there’s been one suggestion of breaking the rule, a touch of temptation, then agreement to carry on.

For me it’s part of our evolution as people, not a big thing, something that felt like the right thing in that moment, and is therefore easy. Spirituality is like that.

The Message

Allow yourself to grow and develop every day, naturally, in your unique way. Do what feels right when it feels right. Don’t blame yourself if something you should do is something you know you won’t do, that just creates stress, instead make a note of it and when the time is right, do it.

Spirituality

One of my favourite pieces of inspiration comes from learning about the natural way Native Americans viewed the year as they lived it by following the seasons.

* In the spring you sow the seeds of the year.
* In the summer you tend only the strongest shoots.
* In the autumn you harvest.
* In the winter you rest and reflect.

This makes so much more sense than our rush, rush, rush society.

So much to do so little time

The curse of modern life that is hard to ignore or neatly package into a solution. So many of us are subject to any number of pressures. I won’t list them you know them. And yet, as I observe people going about their lives – and I do that a lot – I see already pressured people adding more pressure. Making choices to complicate their lives rather than create time to rest and recharge.

The worst part of this is that there’s very little time to think about how you’re feeling, whether you’re happy, if your job suits you, whether you’re living a life that is perfect for you, or driven by any number of external theories and perceived necessities.

Think and feel

It’s winter now, and the perfect time to read this newsletter. Maybe if you take the time to slow down where you can, and do that by noticing how you spend your time and where you can do less, you can have a year that is more aligned to happiness and less aligned to doing and the pursuit of stuff.

Conclusion

If you’re telling yourself that you’re under far too much pressure and only an insane person would suggest that you have five minutes to slow down and think, let alone do less than you’re doing. Stop and breathe. It will benefit your mental and physical health greatly to ease off the stress peddle. You may have more time to be with your children, to read a book, to take health enhancing walks, listen to music. To feel better. To teach your children and grandchildren a better way to live. Try it, it might help and it can’t hurt.

Laugh

I like this new layout, I get to come first on this page. When you think about the things mum has been talking about, resting during the winter and reflecting on life, making sure you’re happy, this image clearly demonstrates that I can do all these things. I can also, always find a sunny place in which to do them. Because I’m worth it.

Cats have no issues with self-worth, feeling that they deserve the best, and going out and finding it. We live lives as comfortable as is humanly possible when we have good humans. You need good humans.

Be a cat-person

You’ll be aware of the old saying that if a cat isn’t happy at home it will leave. It won’t put up with cruelty if there’s a window it can escape from. Yet you guys are willing to be unhappy because ‘life is like that’ or it’s part of your learning and development as a human being. It makes no sense.

What can you learn being sad that you can’t learn when you’re happy?

This is an important question. Think about it, and the next time you’re tempted to settle for second best or learn the hard way, or both, think of yourself as a cat-person. Blend the two things together and demand treats…I mean…treat yourself the way you would treat your pet (if you have one). If you haven’t then you may have to get one. Please go to a rescue centre though, the best creatures turn up there.

Otherwise, just follow my lead and I’ll help you think like the most precious thing on the planet that other people are fortunate to meet, know, and love. Because it’s true. There’s only one you and you’re worth the best of everything.

Marcus Aurelius II

I hope you’ve enjoyed this new way of presenting the newsletter. Please have a look at my blog, so far, which is undergoing a lot of changes at the moment. I’ll be adding some poems, busting the myths that hold us back, and whatever occurs to me in the next few weeks as I build this website.

I particularly love this joke as I’ve put hundreds of business cards in bin over the last 15 years, when something has changed (especially my mind!)

To your happiness – Deb xx

New Year – New Start?

This image neatly sums up the western new year, lots of colour, big bangs, back to boring reality.

It’s nice to celebrate whenever possible, many of us don’t have as much fun as we need, but I’ve always felt that the social viewpoint to new year’s could do with amending.

Is new year really a new start? Should it be? Is it right to hiccup every 12 months rather than keeping on building?

All Good Questions

Perhaps we need to start with mindset in order to answer them. The idea of a new year can hold out a feeling of hope, this year I will be different. I will join the gym and use my membership. I will make decisions. I will meet ‘the one’. I will focus on my career and make a success of it. How often do we forget our resolutions half way through January, or half way through the first week?

We return to normality after the Christmas/New Year hiatus full of enthusiasm, and reality pushes it straight out of the window. If you know that feeling and that pattern, perhaps thinking about new year in a different way might help.

Life is a progression

Once you’re born you are on the river of life, which only travels in one direction. You can never go back (no oars), you can never change what you did in the past. You only have now. Yet the idea of now can be a limiting and negative one. If you live only in the now are you ensuring that the things you’re doing will create a brilliant future? Or are you mindlessly creating randomly?

Random achieves random results

If, instead of breaking up your life with a fictitious change point every 12 months, you live your life as a continuation, you may have more success at all levels.

  • What has the past taught you and how can you use it?
  • What are you doing now and are you enjoying it?
  • What do you dream of and are you creating it?

In utilising the past, being aware of the present, and considering the future, you will be creating a seamless path through your life. Get it right and new year new start won’t impact on you in any way. It will be an excuse for a great party and business as normal, because you’re already doing very nicely thank you.

No false hopes

Instead of honestly believing that you will become a performer of miracles between 23.59 on the 31st December and 01.00 on the first of January, you will be continuing that process of what did I learn, am I happy and if not why not and in what area of my life, and what is the best thing I can do now to create my dream life?

This process also reminds you that you need to be aware of your life every day, reflecting regularly, and adjusting whenever necessary. An immediate course correction is far easier than one 11 months after you made a mistake. Think of yourself as the captain of your ship. You see rocks on the horizon, you grab binoculars, you change course now. You don’t wait for the crash. You certainly don’t get closer and closer because you’re waiting for a specific moment in time to avoid carnage and leave yourself no wiggle room.

So new year next party?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Think of the pressure this thinking takes off new year!

You can now enjoy the parties, gatherings, family times, without having to spend time pondering your future and all the mythical gym sessions you’re going to pay for, and never use.

Plus

You’ll launch into the new year confident that you already know what you’re doing, you’re already walking the right path and living the right life, you’re already on track and intend to stay there.

Focus = success

Worshipping new year can cause you to question everything, feel you should be doing better/more/differently, deliberately focusing on everything that isn’t right, because it is new year isn’t it so you have to do that.

Focusing on small problems on the way through a year makes them easier to solve. Continuing focus leads to continuing positive steps forward.

All you need now is a dream?

You do have a dream, don’t you?

Life isn’t meant to be drudgery, it’s supposed to be full of dreams and wonder, experiences and special moments. Don’t fall for the boredom, only struggle means you deserve your success, lie. Go find your dreams, believe in them, live them, enjoy them, it’s much more fun!

To your happiness

Deb xx

Let’s Talk Self-Promotion!

To all the creatives out there who struggle to make their work known to the outside world, I feel for you.

I write blog after blog, article after article, and do I remember to post information about my book on any of them? Almost never. I think I’ve taken either shy and retiring or forgetful to ridiculous proportions. I’m not at all proud of it.

I wrote this book to help people, to share ideas to get people through difficult times, and offer an alternate viewpoint to the meaning of existence. It isn’t a book to be hidden, but it is a book by an author too ‘in the moment’.

In the moment?

As in doing what I’m doing now without thinking things through. Not being fully focused on what I’m trying to achieve and therefore missing important action points. This pattern isn’t applicable just to creatives though, there are many ways in life that we can shoot ourselves in the foot, and the best one is forgetting about yourself in the greater scheme of things.

I’ve realised that I try to follow the idea of living in the moment, being in the moment, taking notice of the moment, but it creates the issue of not thinking outside the moment in order to get the best of all the moments after it.

Does this apply to you?

If so how?

In a busy world we rush from one thing to another, often juggling tasks, home and work, relationship and children, housework, homework, and catching up with work when everyone else is in bed. It’s not a wonder pre-packaged food is so popular.

The reason we fail to achieve our dreams, or even totally forget that we had a dream that needs us to do something about it, is that we are caught up on the hamster wheel of life where everything else seems more important that a nebulous idea floating somewhere in our minds that we really want to do but don’t have time to recall what it is.

This is how regret is born.

Make a plan!

Do a vision board. Do something that will get your dreams and ambitions down on paper, so that the contents of your mind are visible, and you can edit them as you move forward in life. Then stick that board, or piece of paper, up somewhere you can see it, to remind you of the dreams you want to achieve and regrets you want to avoid.

Once you’ve done that do a life review:

  • What are you doing that doesn’t serve you?
  • Do you enjoy your work? If not it might take time to change it, but that’s better than wasting your life doing something you hate/are bored by/both.
  • What do you want to be doing in a day/week/month/year? Give that serious and dedicated thought and then do as much of it as you can.
  • What are those dreams? If you feel you don’t have big dreams that doesn’t matter. If it’s just to go to a show in town, see a particular star perform live, catch up with a good friend. Dreams don’t have to be big. You could quantify dreams as anything you know you’ll regret if you don’t do them.
  • When you’ve done all this, take the final step of reminding yourself of your dreams daily by looking at that board or piece of paper which should be somewhere highly visible. Back of the toilet door isn’t a bad place. Get yourself into a space where your dreams are real aims that you take seriously.

So creatives

Lift up that bushel, take your light out from underneath it, promote your work because you were drawn to do it for a reason and it might just help someone, or lighten up their life. Shyness never helped anyone. Distraction can’t be allowed to kill your work.

And non-creatives

Everyone deserves a happy life, everyone has dreams whether big or small. What you want to do, long to do, wish you could do, is a dream. Even if it’s only to stop just for a day, read a book, drink tea or coffee, and chill. If you want to do it and it will make you happy, it is worth doing. Especially if it will make you happy.

Put yourself back into your life

And do whatever it takes to remind yourself to keep that up until it becomes a habit.

To your happiness (and my book is available from Amazon!)

I even do talks about it if ever you need a speaker for your group or organisation.

How’s that for the start of a new habit?!

Deb xx

An Ocean of Serenity

Have you ever had the experience of getting gradually more fed up, and then eventually overreacting at the wrong time, with the wrong person?

As a pretty placid person this is something I really need to watch, and as you may imagine, when I have let the wrong person have all the angst and fury created by 2 dozen other people and situations, I’ve felt really bad about myself for several days. It takes quite a while to recover from overreaction.

The Tether

The trouble is, if you try to be a kind and decent person, you often stay quiet when you should nip something in the bud immediately it starts. You confuse yourself with ‘they didn’t mean it’, ‘didn’t mean it that way’, ‘it came across wrong’, and every other excuse you can possibly make for anyone else but yourself. Because of course, a decent person can’t forgive themselves for unkindness however mild.

A counsellor once told me that anyone who has a mental breakdown, acute anxiety, or finally snaps, has been too strong for too long with too many people in too many situations.

The Point

Is to become more aware of yourself and how you’re feeling, and teach yourself to react immediately. If you do so life is much easier. “I’m going to dismember you and scatter your parts to the four winds!” becomes “Hold on, what did you mean by that? Did I understand you correctly?” Immediacy is excellent for stress levels, and will leave your sense of who you are and who you want to be intact, whereas overreaction will dismember it and scatter your mind to the four winds.

The Joke

Many years ago I had a mate who used to describe himself as being an ocean of serenity, on his most irritated days. He asked me how I was once and I replied “I’m an OOFS”. It stood for ocean of f***ing serenity. He went into meltdown on the end of the phone, and from that moment on we would share OOFS alerts by text.

This might sound very silly, and not as funny in repetition as it was in person, and yet that silly joke stopped both of us overreacting on any number of occasions. So…

The Saving Grace

When you have managed to let people push you too far, and you realise that you’re about to start lopping off heads and are in danger of becoming thoroughly ashamed of yourself, don’t ever forget that saving grace that is humour.

Distract yourself by trying to create a joke or making up your own funny side to the situation. Your mental health will thank you and you will remain in a state of grace.

Overreacting, losing your temper, screaming (at the wrong person), it’s just not worth the energy. You now have 3 steps.

  1. React immediately
  2. If that fails find the humour
  3. Chocolate, coffee, cake, or all three. Distract yourself by getting a treat and enjoying it. Then come back and deal with it.

To your happiness, mental health, and in the avoidance of self-loathing

Deb xx

Future Mindset

Thinking Positive

It’s no secret that your mind controls your life, and quantum physicists have proved that the mind programmes the body into proscribed reactions, such as anxiety, that then need to be trained back out. But what about positive thinking? How many of us try so hard and yet find our minds rebelling despite our best intentions.

Hands up, me too!

Yep I’ve been struggling. I know about the Law of Attraction and Cosmic Ordering, I know about visualising the life I want and not making too many rules about how it comes about, or precisely what it looks like. Visualise, turn up, do something, let the universe do its work.

However (and I hate that word sometimes)

I find myself living in a world I don’t recognise, where instead of healing division various factions from all walks of life, but especially the media, are creating reasons why we don’t like each other and selling them to us in a constant drip-feed of negativity.

Where people who wield power and influence pride themselves on all the problems they have, and share the damage, rather than sharing the solutions that made them whole again. Perhaps because they aren’t actually whole.

I Miss Queen Elizabeth

She was the one person I recall in my life, in a position of influence (she’d hate it to be referred to as power), that didn’t have an agenda of her own to press upon us. She had a duty, she was ‘Our Servant Elizabeth’, and her life was dedicated to trying to make things better wherever she went, whatever she did.

I so wish that our politicians, would be politicians, big stars with huge followings, influencers, and the media, would get with that programme.

It’s all about the young

Our society is getting worse by the day, more children murdered, young people stabbed on the streets, women abducted and murdered, innocent men being killed by someone who thinks it’s clever to wield a knife or try their marksmanship with a gun. And on and on and on.

We have gangs in the UK! Okay the Eastend traditionally had a gangland problem, but not as wide as we have now. I saw a heart-breaking news piece last year where young men were saying that if you didn’t join a gang they’d all come after you. So in this particular gang they took turns every hour to go and knock on every door and let all the mother’s know that they were okay. As they said “You can’t have mums worrying can you?”

Clearly decent and beautiful young men worthy of, and deserving of, a far better life than our advanced society is offering them.

Let’s stop blaming and think

It’s easy to say that someone else should have done something about (insert problem) a long time ago. But I can’t help feeling that we’re at the stage that we should all become the solution we want to see. Otherwise what kind of world are we leaving for future generations.

Instead of worrying about the problems and blaming others, let’s think about the way society ought to be and dedicate ourselves individually to being what we want to see.

Inclusion shouldn’t be a discussion. Acceptance isn’t a necessary conversation. Difference is something to celebrate.

Problems are there to be solved not traded on for money and fame. In many walks of life people would lose a reason to be if they solved all the problems, and maybe even their income.

Why raise your profile by highlighting problems when you can highlight solutions, or even BE those solutions?

Yes I’m a dreamer

And I know I’m not the only one. There are millions of us out there who see what’s going wrong and know how stupid it all is. We just need to be louder, prouder, and more determined to be heard.

People will always think we’re wrong. They will always denigrate us as dreamers, naïve, not understanding the real world, fluffy, and so many other things. But we are NOT wrong. We know what we’re seeing, we’re seeing the degeneration of society and how it’s affecting people, and we don’t need anyone to tell us that isn’t right. We know it.

Anyone calling us stupid or naïve, needs to give us good reasons why violence against women and children, using knives and guns, disparaging people because of their gender, race, colour, and creed, bullying in the workplace, and so on, are perfectly all right. They can never be right.

So

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t shut up. Because if you’re prepared to be the change you want to see and stand up for it, you are making the world a better place in a very real way.

You are a light in the darkness. Shine on for pity’s sake, for the sake of the children, the sake of the future, and the sake of the world.

To everyone’s happines

Deb

Enjoying the Real World?

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Are you amongst the many of us who would happily hide away for a few months with a good book, and your phone switched off?
In the UK we’ve been hit by the perfect storm of Brexit, Covid, and the Ukraine war. Even if you live elsewhere you will be aware that things aren’t good here; but are they good anywhere at the moment? There’s a feeling of the world going backwards.

Spiritual Politics

Oddly, for a spiritual thinker, politics fascinates me, I even gave it a try. I only lasted four years and I was fed up with everything from my co-councillors, to the government, to the public. Once my life had been threatened, quite seriously, and I’d been insulted, cursed, and spat at a few times, I realised that I didn’t have the character to be a politician. Even though my local party were already trying to line me up for prime minister. No way!

What always surprises me is that the public criticise politicians for things that they themselves do, holding them to a higher standard of humanity. For every thing a politician does that we don’t like, somewhere a member, or members, of the public are doing exactly the same thing.

The other thing regularly stressed over is that politicians never tell the truth. Two things I learned are, one, people don’t always tell the truth, and two, we don’t want to hear the truth. All we want to hear is that taxes will be lower, benefits and social care will be higher, we will be able to keep more of our money, whilst our respective governments will still be able to make everything we need free!

It just doesn’t work in the real world does it?

So why is this important?

On a spiritual level it’s crucially important. Politics affects every single area of our lives, and if we’re constantly stressing about it then we are building anxiety, developing the dangerous emotion of anger, and have plenty not to be happy about. When you consider that the Buddha said that Enlightenment is happiness, you can see the seriousness of the problem.

As you know, when you’re winding yourself up, when you’re making yourself anxious, what you’re not thinking about it what you can do, steps you can take, changes you can make, to put things right. If you stress on politics your mind will be full of other people that you can’t control until your next opportunity to vote, and then only for as long as you’re making that mark on that paper. Seconds.

Losing hurts

But with politics it isn’t just losing, it’s knowing that now you may have the wrong side running the country and you have to be disenfranchised for 4/5 years. Every decision made will be wrong in your eyes, everything they do will be called into question. When you consider they’re working for the many not the few or the one, and it’s not that they can’t please all of the people all of the time, they can’t please anyone ever because even their own voters will turn on them until the next election, then vote them back in; you can see that they’re on a hiding to nothing. So are we.

Spiritually it’s also worrying to see countries polarising to extreme levels over their political parties. I love America but I will say that my eyebrows have been joining my hairline quite a bit in recent years. I can’t quite believe that the free world is that shape.

So why this subject?

If you want to live a happy life then a bit of realism is critical, and spiritual realism is lovely because it’s non-judgemental if you get it right, and I do try. That’s not to say that I don’t look at certain things and feel that they’re wrong. I do. Any violence is a huge red line for me. When it’s another country I mind my own business, when it’s my own I realise that unless I swim in the cesspit again – which I have no intention of doing – I can do nothing except cast that next vote and pray.

Realistically, politics can’t work for everyone. It can’t suit everyone. Democracy might be the best of a bad lot, but that’s exactly what it is. An imperfect solution for an imperfect world. Full of imperfect people. Spiritual distancing can help.

Learn from politics

At the moment we’re being encouraged along the route of detachment and observation in my groups. You’re probably thinking that they’re quite normal things, but when you work with spirit guides these ideas reach entirely new proportions of wisdom and support.

You can say you’re detached and then realise that you’re still affected. To be spiritually detached isn’t to take refuge in saying that you don’t care, it’s about undertaking regular internal reviews and taking action when your mind goes to a place that upsets your stomach, cramps your muscles, and renders you unable to sleep. Even when you’re not caring about whatever isn’t affecting you.

Once you come to terms with the idea that you can do nothing unless you join one team or another. Once you let go of the emotions politics create in you. Once you accept the way the world works for what it is. Then politics can teach you the kind of detachment you need in every area of your life.

You can’t make anyone, anywhere, any situation, work for you if it’s not within your power to do so. But you can learn to observe, do what you can, shrug, and pick up that book…

AND NOT FEEL THOSE FEELINGS AND PRETEND THAT YOU AREN’T!

Hiding doesn’t work

I know many people who don’t follow politics, don’t watch the news, and try to exist in blissful unawareness. Except the prices in their supermarkets, the cost of their mortgages, the eye-watering price of heating and lighting their homes, all those things and more are still affecting them. So actually, just being detached when there’s going to be an effect on you, won’t work.

Stepping into a place where you recognise how tricky things are, recognise the effect it’s having on you and counter it as best you can, is far more healthy than saying you take no notice when a problem is smacking you in the face at every turn.

This goes for people too. You can’t control your colleagues unless you can get another job. You can’t control and uncontrollable family, they’re not within your sphere of influence even if you are related and supposed to be alike. I know that far too well. You can’t control friends who betray you. If you pretend you’re unaffected and detached, yet you’re still hurting, then you’re still being affected.

WHEN YOU’RE NOT AFFECTED YOU WON’T THINK OR TALK ABOUT IT EVER! If you are then a reality check is needed.

Life eh?

It’s natural to feel upset in life. Natural not to get on with everyone. Very natural not to like politics. But the perspective you choose will dictate how you cope.

Politicians are human. They make mistakes, have affairs, lie when they’re scared of being caught out, and say they will please you because that’s what you want to hear, then discover when they get into power that they can’t. Then they won’t tell you because it scares them.

People are people, they either belong with you or they don’t, but you have to make that choice. Quietly distancing yourself and moving forward with your life seeking people you can resonate with. Finding a new job and letting connections go. Realising the one you thought was the one wasn’t the one because you’ve just actually met the one (which was very disruptive and completely wonderful), and taking action rather than desperately trying to pretend everything is okay.

Pretence

I don’t feel it’s too generalist to say that most of us see politics as a game of smoke and mirrors, where the truth is never quite told, never quite clear, rarely spoken of in more than a whisper and only to certain people. Where they know they’re never going to win, we know they’re never going to win, and they know we know that they’re never going to win.

If you can become detached from politics and you can watch it without yelling at the TV and needing a tablet to help you sleep. If you can become detached from everything that hurts or upsets you, excepting losing a loved one or pet, or struggling through a war or natural disaster. Then you can view what’s going on, and if you’re unable to move on from it, you won’t mind because you’ll be in control of your emotions.

However…

YOU WILL NOT PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH BY HIDING, OR PRETENDING THAT SOMETHING DOESN’T MATTER IF IT DOES.

If it matters to you then it’s important no matter what anyone else thinks.

Use politics to help you learn the right kind of detachment that allows you to observe, shake your head, smile quietly, and take action. Whilst still feeling relaxed, happy, and in control. When you can deal with something by understanding that you really can’t change it, you’ll find it easier to deal with the things you really can change.

Little trick I learned whilst navigating an inexplicable world.

To your happiness

Deb xx

Where Was I?

Avoiding Self-Blame

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Yep, I’ve drifted away from blogging again! Show me a butterfly or a cat and I’ll while away the hours watching them. Which of course makes me A BAD PERSON!…

Or not…

I’ve walked a spiritual path since I was 26 years old. I’ve tried to be a good person, thoughtful, considerate, there for my husband, friends, and cats in a real way. I’ve run courses, done talks and workshops, and yet every so often my energy just needs to sit on a sofa and read a novel.

When we try to be ‘good’ and then feel that we’ve let ourselves down, we can easily spiral into self-loathing and anxiety, sometimes depression. Good people wouldn’t forget their blog would they? Dedicated people work all the hours God sends on their projects don’t they?

There are so many ways you can put yourself down, so many ways you can make yourself unworthy of success, and of course a lot of that self-battering leads to mental health issues.

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I AM walking a spiritual path

In other words let’s get real. When we genuinely try our best in life we are always going to fall over the human gene, usually sooner rather than later.

I pick up on other people’s energy really strongly and really quickly, and I find it exhausting. Yes I’m supposed to be able to control that, protect my energy, deal with the slings and arrows of outraged people, and no I don’t succeed all the time. Human. Gene.

However, the fact that I don’t always achieve the highest possible standards, think floating a bit above the summit of Everest – I’m sure yours are up there somewhere too, does not make me a bad person. At least I’m a person who sincerely tries to be authentic and be of use in this world.

Let’s all relax a bit!

If you understand what I’m writing here, and realise that you too punish yourself for every single thing you do that you feel you shouldn’t do, why not join me in stopping the self-bashing and start accepting your humanity.

If it worries you that you’re not perfect that alone makes you a good person, but you’re no use to person or beast or beast if you don’t take time out to be yourself without fear or favour. We only keep going if we listen to our minds and bodies and take notice of their needs.

And good people need to keep going!

To your happiness

Deb

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