This was an idea of mine that didn’t really resonate with the colleague I worked with at the time, even though on the occasions we delivered it at an event there were wonderful results.
I really miss it. For me it was a powerful evening of inspiration because the audience got to tell you what was troubling them, and we addressed those things for them. obviously a lot of folks struggle with the same thing, so it was a really useful evening.
Friends who betray you
Obviously we all want this version of friendship. Being comfortable and at ease, having fun, sharing beautiful times and building good memories. Sadly, that doesn’t always work as we know.
At my very first event one of the questions called out was “friends who betray you”.
There were 6 questions in all and my colleague asked which I would like to take, I chose that one, walked across to the flip chart, picked up a red pen, crossed out the word friends and proclaimed that sorted! There was a deafening silence, even my colleague looked puzzled.
What seeing that had made me realise was that friends do not betray you, end of. If a person betrays you then by definition they are not a friend. Life is that simple sometimes.
The person who put that question forward is still a friend of mine now, over 15 years later. We saw her the next day and she gave us both such a hug, and told us that the evening had changed her life. It didn’t. She did.
Where the power lives
No matter how we try to spin it, the only power in our lives is within us. If we allow others to treat us badly, put us down, hurt us, we are the only people who can do anything to stop it.
I do not say this glibly, I’ve been in an abusive relationship or several, one husband, a few bosses, family members, friends, and I know what it’s like to be beaten so far down that the idea of fighting back doesn’t even compute. That doesn’t change this fact though. I beat it by quietly taking time to build my inner strength. Others have to run away in the night taking nothing but their children. Others don’t make it. It’s unfair to judge how anyone else handles anything because all instances are personal, but I do know one thing:
If I’d known from a young age that people who love you do not betray you in any way, I may never have found myself in that marriage or in those jobs in the first place. I would certainly have walked away from my family long before I did. I wouldn’t have walked out, just moved so far away I could manage the relationship without too much drama.
Do Something
- Act as soon as something happens that you know you can’t live with.
- A job is not for life, it’s to support the rest of your life and you should enjoy it.
- Don’t make excuses for anyone else for any reason.
- Understand that if it upsets you that matters. It doesn’t matter if other people tell you they can cope, they’re not you. Stand by who you are.
- You will skirmish with everyone in your life at times, but they should be situations where you talk and resolve them in a real way. Don’t fall for the idea that regular upsets, especially when you’ve said how much they hurt you, are a natural part of life. That’s one of the myths that hold us all back.
Life is meant to be happy!
Tell your children. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your colleagues. Tell anyone who will listen. Don’t let anyone around you be hurt because they follow nonsense social rules that someone made up centuries ago.
Healthy attitude leads to a healthy life leads to actual mental health!
To your happiness and all of the above
Deb xx
Deb Hawken 