Mental health is brutal, I know this because I suffered from acute anxiety bordering on clinical depression for 22 years before it was diagnosed. Then it took me another 20 years to beat it, until the right person with the right information came along: Joe Dispenza (https://drjoedispenza.com).
There are many people helping out there, but he’s the one who taught me how to lose my anxious mind and create a new one. Might help to take a look.
Solutions not reliving it all
If you struggle I’m sure you’ve looked at many solutions, maybe had counselling, read books, etc. If not start researching, the help is out there and you need to find the right solution for you, depending on your situation and the cause of your problems. I just wanted to offer some simple ideas that helped me.
- Watch your language: Whether you are speaking to someone else or running through things in your head, calm your language. Dramatic language such as “I feel dreadful” becomes “I’m a bit low today.” It wasn’t true when I said it to myself, but the more I said I was just a bit low the calmer I felt. You can literally talk yourself down. “I hate this job” becomes “I must job hunt and I’m going to make a better decision next time”. “I’m so depressed” becomes “Yes I suffer from depression but I’m handling it”. Again it may not be true but keep telling yourself. Don’t allow those thought patterns to develop and strengthen. Disrupt them.
Anxiety is a bitch (sorry but it is), but the more you allow yourself to think anxious thoughts the more it gets hold of you. If you find yourself unable to go out or work, seek help. If, however, you’re at a lower level of anxiety you can talk yourself down again. “I can’t face work today” becomes “I’ll go and give it a try, I’m sure I will be okay.” I found that reminding myself that I had choices how long I stayed anywhere got me out of the house much more easily.
Anxiety needs to you take charge of it but to leave yourself wiggle room. It doesn’t respond well to a lecture. Gently nurturing yourself step-by-step can work. - Passing of a loved one or pet: This is a tricky one that depends very much on the situation, I wouldn’t suggest this to a widow or widower who is literally alone, perhaps without children or grandchildren. However, to those who are not alone this might help. Start listing who you do know and what you do have. This may sound trite, but all you’re seeking to do is to interrupt the thoughts that are hurting with something more positive, in other words disrupt the thought flow and improve it.
I’m sure you get the picture. So moving on.
Full recovery
This takes time, but particularly with mental health and grief you need to be easy on yourself and not to demand a return to perfection, it’s a process. As I said to two people today:
You’re seeking a steady point between the past and the present.
That’s a place which you can heal from. So rather than run before you can walk, try to stabilise yourself, then work out the future.
You wouldn’t go out and run, and run until your shoes wore out, without a drink of water, a rest, or stopping would you? You wouldn’t decide you’re becoming a runner and sign up for a marathon, confidently expecting to win? Of course not.
Yet we will ask our minds to keep going indefinitely, to hold together no matter the circumstances, to never wobble, never let us down. We kind of expect ourselves to pick ourselves up, carry on with our lives, and if asked how we feel say “Well I lost my mum but I’m a grown up now so it’s all okay!” It is not going to happen.
Don’t expect to much
Don’t call yourself stupid
Don’t tell yourself off
Give yourself the time needed to recover – just like a broken leg (only longer)
You aren’t stupid, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s not your fault. Life happened and now you have to respond to it. Things build up over time, you take it and take it and take it, then something really tiny happens, and crash. That’s because that was the straw and you were the camel carrying too much.
If you can bear it, think back to why it happened to you. I did that, I started at 2 (when I was told I became a nervous wreck) and by the time I got to 13 I was starting to respect myself, by 30 I was stunned I was still functioning, by the time I was 40 I admired my younger self so much for everything she stood up to. Keeping going may have been more of a wobble than a sprint, but she did it and I owe her everything. Think of yourself that way.
This sounds a bit harsh but it is true:
Some people faint immediately there is a problem and everyone rushes to their aid.
Strong people keep going and going beyond endurance,
until they eventually break. You will have taken too much for too long.
Respect that.
Hello old friend
Back to the title and the image. A man I truly admire is the Supercoach Michael Neill (https://www.michaelneill.org). He told us this story at an event in London, so I’m sure he won’t mind me repeating it, and I’ll do so as faithfully as memory allows.
He suffered from clinical depression from a very young age. When he went to college he was really struggling. One day his room mate came into the room to find Michael standing next to an open first or second floor window. The friend just knew there was something wrong.
He asked Michael why he was standing there and he replied quite calmly “I’m going to throw myself out, there’s no point doing anything else”. The friend shut the window and called for help. Michael received the help, and that made him start to learn and research about emotions, healing, mental health.
He said something I have never forgotten, and it made my anxiety so much easier to handle. He said that instead of fearing the onset of depression he would simply say:
“Hello old friend, what am I doing wrong that you’ve decided to rear your head?”
Then he would work out what had upset him. I learned to say to my anxiety “Okay, what do I need to change if you’re starting to creep back?”
Michael changed my life, I hope this blog may have changed yours, and I suggest that he is also well worth looking up when it comes to a troubled mind and approach to life. There is so much that you can do if you find the right inspiration. If these two men are not right for you, follow the thread, search social media, ask your friends, you’ll find the right person.
To quote Joe “love yourself enough to do this”.
You deserve to feel good, we all do.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
Deb Hawken - Amorah 