The Social Media Myth

There is nothing real about social media unless you know the people you’re connecting with. It is also no longer a safe space, and highly pressurised.

I thought that people would use it to build real connections, and was surprised how few people were interested in an actual chat, get together for coffee, etc. I can’t help feeling that it’s added to the increasing isolation in this world.

We have fallen for the idea of thousands of followers, consciously or subconsciously meaning we’re popular. To be fair, it began as free and for a long time you were allowed, even encouraged, to share your work on there. Then the boom fell.

Now you need to pay to get anywhere. That situation has become increasingly worse, you need to be verified now and that means a monthly fee. If you’re not your posts will fall into a social sinkhole, never again to see the light of day. When there are three price breaks you just know that the ones who can pay the most will get more screen time. That’s not even unfair.

I was grateful for the time it was free, but now it’s a increasingly developing nightmare. I’m back to making communications more personal.

The Cess Pit

Sorry to put it this way, but the vile talk, the horrific pages that are set up, the promotion of violence, sex, unrealistic body changes, and the ability to sexually shame someone, or groom a minor, worse still, get them to send you naked images then threaten to share them everywhere if they don’t continue. Uploading videos meant only for the couple when a relationship breaks down. Child and animal abuse.

These things and more represent the worst of society, and yet they’re allowed to exist happily on social media. Yet ordinary people are banned and suspended for virtually nothing.

Insulting people is an art form, instant attack, no questions asked. Vile language, spiteful attitudes, no thought to what the person you’ve chosen as the target for your latest attack of poison may be going through. As we know suicide is on the increase and we also know that social media is partly responsible. As it is for the increase in crime. The recent riots in the UK were promoted in social media.

Fortunately so were the peace marches, and they were far more popular.

Enough – The problem?

I’m sure there are millions of sensible people out there, yet many of us will have to admit that we’re pretty hooked. I can’t imagine my life now without those connections, which has led to difficulty with me imagining my hand without a phone in it. I love people, I love communicating, I will always check on my connections, and yet I feel manipulated by the big tech companies now.

In fact I think we have been manipulated. We’ve been strongly encouraged to have loads and loads of followers. Hundreds and thousands. To go on social media can be to face failure in a way that didn’t exist 20 years ago. My posts that used to reach 70 people easily, now reach 11, with perhaps 2 reactions and no comments. I realised that it’s actually unhealthy to get hooked into this. My sense of failure was increasing more over time, especially as connecting has been made harder and harder.

People who have been on my page for years and regularly comment do not see my posts.

I’ve stepped away from it all. I’ve set up a private group and I’m going to connect with the people on there who choose to join it. That brings my group back to something manageable, instead of wondering what realm of the ether your work is lost in. I won’t have as many followers, but they’re meaningful followers. People I can reach, chat to, and I hope inspire or support.

Suddenly the pressure to push, push, push, succeed, have hundreds of clients, it’s all gone. I feel like I’ve taken my power back.

The answer?

I don’t pretend to have one, but I do think we need to think. Not just for the sake of our children, although primarily for them, but for ourselves.

Is there an explosion in children carrying knives and machetes in the street because they are used to that behaviour in games? In the 80s there were great concerns about violent games and I laughed, I don’t now. I also wonder if the lack of social contact outside school makes people seem less real. You might say the same for adults who don’t have a wide circle of connections outside work.

Is depression on the rise in adults because their friends are virtual? No one wants to go out. No one is there. No one to pick up the phone to. There certainly is mental health damage caused by being ignored, unfriended, blocked, insulted, verbally abused, and stalked by creepy men who don’t exist. We all know if you call yourself Smith John you’re not European. We all know you’re not a widowed man, ex US military, with a child you adore. Yet lonely people will fall for these scams.

There are a hundred questions that need answering. There are also vulnerable adults in this world who need protection too.

I’m not blaming social media for all this, it’s not fair. It’s the public that misuse it. But I do think it is involved in a lot of the problems society is facing. It’s also, obviously, a force for good.

My big worry is the unknown quantity that owns X. He seems to be getting a little too impressed with himself and a little too unaware of the havoc he’s causing. Like he’s the King of the computer or phone near you.

Whereas an actual King (in the case of the UK) has to watch his behaviour, speech, actions, etc. King Charles doesn’t get to do and say what he wants, he has duties and responsibilities. We have expectations of his behaviour, which, like his mother before him, he more than meets.

Which leads us to free speech

Free speech isn’t harmful speech. People don’t seem to realise that. There’s a cost to nastiness, a cost to giving a voice to people who intend to destabilise society. A cost to allowing grown adults to mix with minors. Why hasn’t social media created three sections, 5-12, 13-17, 18+? It makes sense. You don’t want your children finding graphic violence or sex on social media, or anywhere really.

The right to free speech cannot be allowed to override the safety of societies. Social media bosses need to think about the damage wrought by people who don’t have the best interests of the whole of society at heart. There is much they can do to prevent a lot of what happens. But to an extent both social media and society seem to have forgotten the collective whole in favour of the isolated I. The awareness of other.

Thoughts not conclusions

• My thoughts are to be hyper aware of your relationship with social media.
• Notice how affected you are by it.
• To take notice of how upset you feel how often. Especially when unfriended or insulted. If you were in a room full of rude and aggressive people you’d leave. Yet on social media it can happen over and over again, and still we sray.
• Ensure that you have a good and trustworthy real live support group around you. If the satellites ever go down you’re going to need them. People worry about what happens if you can’t reach your bank on a computer, what if the same event leads to no friends?
• If you are trying to build a following realise that a few hundred is really good, you can always keep building. But even more, realise that the active participants are the main focus. Don’t put yourself down by looking at those with the money to advertise to thousands of followers and thinking you’re useless. You forget how much they can pay to advertise.
• Most importantly. Don’t make something that isn’t fully real into a focus for your life. That can lead to depression, stress, anxiety, and maybe suicidal thoughts. Three good friends you can rely on will make a very real difference to your life. Connect.

I think that’s it. It’s something to be thought about, its affects should ring our warning bells, and if you’re getting cramp holding your phone, ring a mate and go out for coffee. Cramp is a clue to find a real person!

Social togetherness is an in-person thing.

Deb xx