Clarence – Your 24 Hour Warning!

I chose this image to remind you that this garbage has been going on since way before this artifact was invented.

As there is another debate in the UK tomorrow evening, and I do have the inside track, I’ve decided to put together a survival package of helpful suggestions to save your sanity.

Helpful suggestions

Warning, these come dripping in sarcasm, with blanket disrespect. No support of any political party is inferred or intended. I loathe them all equally.

My time spent half way up a tree watching them when they think they’re alone, has taught me that you have to be a special kind of odd to become a politician.

There are some of the all time worst Karaoke practitioners attracted to politics, and I’ve seen and heard things that would make an angel switch sides. I’m scarred for life and my ears will never be the same. I just wish they’d get dressed first!

Anyway…having issued the appropriate disclaimers as to why none of the following is my fault:

The list

• There will be lots of lying and screaming. You know this. Don’t watch it.
• If you must watch it (which I suggest you don’t) then try counting the insults for fun, work out who was rudest, and don’t vote for them as they clearly don’t have a manifesto. Don’t vote for rude people without a real plan.
• In fact assume the worst, don’t watch it, guess who was the most wittily unpleasant, call your friends, find out if you were right. Let them suffer.
• You’re going to tell yourself you must watch it to decide how you’re going to vote. The debate will have no bearing on reality. Change takes money. There is no money. The rest is a fairy-horror-story about how bad the other guys are, to obfuscate the facts. There’s no money. Don’t watch it.
• They are not going to do anything. You will not learn anything. Hot air has no substance and nor do our politicians. They know what you want to hear and they’ll repeat that endlessly. Don’t watch it you already know what they’re going to say anyway.
• Many of you already know how you’re going to vote. Why watch it?
• Screaming at the other guys because they’re idiots up against the ‘miracle’ you’re going to put your trust in will only give you ulcers. Don’t watch it, the NHS is broke too. You’ll be doing a public service.
• They’re not telling the truth. Don’t watch it.
• This country has been affected by several external events. You know that. You know those events have broken the country. You know that Labour would have struggled too. So why watch it? In fact don’t.
• I should probably conclude with with the best piece of advice I can give you. I’ve already spied on them rehearsing, dressed as a waiter bringing drinks. I have to tell you that adding a (careful) dash of their favourite tipple to their teas makes the debate much more interesting. However, my best advice is:
• Don’t watch it.

You’re going to ignore me aren’t you? I have to watch it, you don’t, save yourselves. If you want to suffer pull your eyelashes out with tweezers, it will be less painful. They’ll grow back, the hope that will die during this debate will never be resurrected.

Your embattled reporter who should have been a sewage worker as it would have been a cleaner environment.

Clarence

P.S. We have two very short contenders this year, this is not an insensitive and politically incorrect comment on their stature! They’re short on policies, short on clear answers, short on ideas, short on critical thinking, and I honestly think short on hope. They dare not answer straight questions as they both know the truth, no one would vote for anyone, except Eddie Izzard as he will be an interesting speaker, then there will be one person left running everything. The truth will not set you free!

P.P.S. Don’t watch it! Have I been completely clear?