Square Peg!

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

I’ve felt out of place most of my life. I felt out of sync with my family for as long as I can remember, and eventually that imploded.

I kid you not, years ago I could walk into a room, take of my coat, turn round and the entire room would be staring at me in the most unfriendly manner. I’m not talking people I know, people who didn’t know me from a bar of soap. I hadn’t even said a word.

I found it so hurtful, I love people, love meeting them, hate to see them hurting, and I can’t think of one person I’ve met in 66 years that I haven’t seen good in. I’m not a softie, very few people are truly bad, the vast majority are just hurt, exhausted, scared. So why did this happen? It took me years to find out.

My mum told me that from the moment I could speak I would suddenly come out with comments way above my age-grade. Mature comments. You may know children who do that. It’s not uncommon. I could always see an adult’s viewpoint, which made me popular at school, not.

My brother was very similar. He told me when I’d rebel against the family when he was about 11, and was only 3 years out. He said the instant you do something that doesn’t suit them you won’t be forgiven. It was when I left my ex. Nothing ever came right after that.

The weird answer

We often trot out the ‘old soul’ comment about babies don’t we. The fact is that we’re all old souls, but some are born more in tune than others. I don’t think anyone truly knows why. I just trust that things are how they’re meant to be.

It doesn’t make these people any more special than anyone else, for a start they’re completely unaware of it, it can also make their life far more uncomfortable, and as we know, people can be very uncomfortable around differences they can’t put a name to.

Nice natures attract users. They attract bully’s who take advantage of their endless efforts to be understanding and read it as weakness. People try to control what they don’t understand because it feels like a threat. Often we’re closer to animals than people because it’s safer.

Anyone who struggles to fit in resonating so far?

How it showed up

Firstly a lady nearly fell off my doorstep one day when I opened the front door and said welcome. She said she felt I’d x-rayed her and knew everything about her. I reassured her that I had no clue about any of that, but she wouldn’t be reassured. I was genuinely clueless and baffled.

Then I went on a spiritual healing course. I got ‘the look’ as soon as I walked in the door. I didn’t even want to be there, Tony wanted to do it and I was happy to tag along and understand what this weird thing he believed in was. I had my beliefs and abilities but healing wasn’t a thing for me. However, it’s good to understand your partner and their interests so I went. Truly intrigued.

The head tutor came in, sat down, and ruined the course for me. She declared that there were only two true healers in the room ‘that man and that lady and if I don’t miss my mark they came together’. She was bang on, even though we’d been told that you couldn’t sit with anyone you came with, she knew, and she’d just painted a huge target on my back.

Imagine a man who can heal and is spiritual in a room full of women whose partners, in the main, thought they were crazy? Imagine the clueless woman who’s just been declared a true healer? It was hell.

After that first day my Guide told me that I was not to work the next day because the energies were wrong for me. I was working out how to tell Rose when she looked at me and said “Eduoard came to me last night and I know you’re not supposed to be working today, stay with me.”

That was one of the first things that told me that the weird abilities I’d started to develop were real. I hadn’t spoken to Rose at all.

My actual abilities showed up in many different ways, got me into trouble with more than one person, but the two things I’ve chosen to note here, were two of the ways I started to understand who I was.

It turned out that I was a psychic medium, I can also offer healing but I’ve never been comfortable with it because it comes with a wealth of baggage. I prefer to give people tools that they can work with in their own way.

The more I learned about the work, the more I trained, the more work I did, the better I got on with people. I still met people who reacted badly, but more often than not it turned round very quickly and we landed up friends.

Working yourself out

The only way I can put this is, that when you are closely tuned in to who you really are, you become more authentic, but you need to know that in order to be comfortable in yourself. Others will feel that comfort and authenticity.

I couldn’t see one good thing about myself. So how could I be full of myself over an ability I didn’t understand, a closeness to soul I was just born with? Others thought I was playing humble because they sensed it.

If you feel about yourself as I did, struggle to connect with others, don’t take the blame as I did. Find out who you are.

My story is a spiritual one. But anyone living the wrong life doesn’t thrive and doesn’t mix with the right people for them. If you’re completely in the wrong career are you surprised that you have nothing in common with your colleagues? Same goes for relationships. Square pegs and round holes don’t fit. Friend-wise or romantically.

If you feel out of place, think about changing the people and/or circumstances, just don’t automatically think there’s something wrong with you. There’s probably more right with you than you know. When you’re in the right place.

Frightened people attack all forms of what they perceive as ‘different’, they bully it into submission. That’s played out daily with the famous.

Be you, just find out who and what that is.

I’ll follow the soul thing up in another blog. It’s getting more prevalent every day.

Deb xx