Music Box

Photo by Darcy Delia on
Twisting, turning, have you seen her
Tiny perfect ballerina?
A fantasy of style and grace
Effortless within her space

Oh how I want to be like her
My limbs co-ordinate, concur
Admired for my classic stance
Moving in a simple dance

Or is her truth right there to see
A dreamer who is trapped?

Like me

No way to leave
No place to go
She dances when I make it so
No life to live no world to see
Never free

Can I? 
Should I? 
Dare I?
Hold the image in my mind’s-eye

But wishes come and choices go
Can I? 
Could I? 
Will I?

I dreamt that I’d reveal my art
Not keep my life and truth apart
I’d make a choice and choose myself
(She’s in the box upon a shelf)

I’ve lost what no one else can see
And fallen short of being me
The quantum leap I could not time
Close the lid and close my mind

But I still hope
For I have seen her
Tiny perfect ballerina

Deb Hawken
July 1996

Published by debdancingstarhawken7

I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.

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