This poem came from a difficult time in my life when I was learning the difference between working in the caring industry and the demands of business.
Today, I am prepared to live the corporate life,
be the corporate wife, live corporately.
Now I am prepared to do what it takes to serve his ambition.
I am prepared to be - lucky.
I am prepared to have everything that others desire,
every little thing they need.
It will make me unpopular.
People will regard my clothes with suspicion.
“Are they designer labels?” they will ask - unpleasantly.
They will upend my plates searching for the words
Spode, Wedgewood, Royal Dalton.
They will ‘admire’ my car with bitterness in their hearts.
And the only women who understand will mostly be lost - like me.
Me who thinks that trees are important.
Me who wanted a cottage with roses round the door.
Me who wanted a friend, lover, husband, not a provider.
They will see me as the woman behind the man.
The woman with the five bedroom house.
The five empty bedroom house.
© Deb Hawken
August 2007
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Published by debdancingstarhawken7
I'm a writer, public speaker, medium, and spiritual thinker. I suffered from acute anxiety from the age of 16 until I was well into my 50s, after fearlessly exploring many ideas, philosophies, and tools, I finally found methods that helped me return my mind to a better normal. One of the things I hated about anxiety was the way people treated me like a fool or a problem, I have two degrees and I'm a (much) retired black belt, my IQ is decent, but I constantly felt like a complete idiot, something that was exacerbated by never feeling like the real me. The girl who could laugh endlessly about the smallest things, and had a real excitement about what life had to offer her. I didn't need anyone else to tell me I wasn't 'right', I knew that better than anyone. My mission now is to support people suffering as I did with a message of support with what they're going through, tools and ideas that might help, and a strong message of hope for the future. At 63, which I am at the time of writing, many people I know are in a rut, yet having beaten anxiety I'm now doing more with my life than I ever did when I was struggling just to get up in the morning, let alone face the day. It's a wonderful feeling - so the main message is that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling or what age you are, when you beat anxiety you will get an entirely new lease of life - and that's fantastic at any age. On a personal note I'm married to my soul mate, we have 5 cats, and I live in the middle of the UK. I follow a number of fantastic thinkers, as it's important to immerse yourself in healthy thinking as often as you can, I'm a Toastmaster and professional public speaker, and I keep life simple and encourage my clients to do the same, and my friends.
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Deb Hawken 