What’s a time you ignored your gut — and paid for it?
It’s worse than that! I ignored my gut and I ignored my dad. I actively chose certain misery.
I married a man I already knew was cruel and deeply screwed up. My dad offered me a way out, a very generous one. I said no.
The only thing I can think of is that saying “the will to do something for the experience.”
It was an awful marriage with some bright points, he wasn’t all bad. We had some good times. He wasn’t violent, but he actively destroyed my mind. I will give you one example.
If we had a nice evening with people he would tell me afterwards that I bored everyone and they didn’t really like me. When I said ‘but we we’re laughing!” He replied that’s because they were nice people, humouring me.
I won’t go on because I knew him for 17 years in all and you can do without the detail in the same way I could have. You probably have your own stories and don’t need to be reminded.
But did I pay?
The answer is no.
Firstly, I have a thing about using negativity and bad experiences. I delve into them, consider all angles, and I learn. I make sure they become a valuable experience.
I can’t tell you I’d go back and do it all again, the entire point of learning from experience is not making the same mistakes. Plus Tony was still in New Zealand so I didn’t waste any time when I could have been with him.
I suddenly broke up my marriage in the February, announced it in the April, and he turned up in the June.
Secondly, I got a huge amount of learning from it. I built strength, I learned to stand up to him, I became far stronger. That’s stood me in excellent stead.
Lastly, I adopted two cats which started a thread that’s kept me sane throughout my adult life. Steady, for them. I couldn’t have children and you need to have something more important than you.
Most importantly to give all the love I have, that the people around me didn’t want. I realised many years ago that some people don’t want to be burdened by being genuinely loved, and wanted, they want to get on with their life. So you choke down the love, stand back, and let them be.
It is truly the saddest thing that so many focus away from those who would stand by them onto something more important. Always with good reason of course 😉.
When I was given my spiritual name in a mediation it made me smile, I always wanted to be just love, nothing else. Right from as far back as I can remember, why can’t we just love has been a tape loop in my head.
Hey ho. ‘Nowt so queer as folks’ and the ironic thing is that most people think I’m queer for wanting to be nice. I’ve missed the point apparently.
Queer was an old term meaning weirdly different. No reference to the LGBTIQ community who rather brilliantly use it in their own way as a proud statement. I get that, I’m proud to be queer in my own way.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
OpenAI in the form of ChatGPT are responsible for creating the images. I must get a proper acknowledgement thingy so that I can stop making it up everyday.
