What’s a completely useless fact you love sharing?
Apart from the wonderful line from Friends “Don’t eat yellow snow” I have no useless advice.
However as a Life Coach and Spiritual Mentor I can tell you that all advice is useless if a person doesn’t want to feel better.
They don’t realise this of course, it isn’t intentional or deliberate, they just don’t know how to feel good.
I’m not saying this just because I failed with them. I’m saying it because although I never turned down or dismissed any help, I know what it feels like to literally not know what feeling good is.
You’re trying to get somewhere you’ve never been and achieve something you’ve never experienced.
My aunt told me I was a nervous wreck by the time I was two, she and my mum tried to protect me but they couldn’t. My father wanted the perfect child and he was determined I would be that child. I couldn’t learn to eat properly, I had to be born able to wield utensils, and know where my mouth was!
He apologised profusely in later years, saying that I never needed the tough love to be a good person. I really appreciated that! It was a special moment.
I have great respect for people who get things wrong and have the courage to say so. I have greater respect for those willing to change and stop hurting themselves and others.
So it would be true to say that you can’t help those stuck in a pattern who aren’t ready, willing, or able, to charge it. Frustrating as it is, sad for them as it is, life experience that hurt deeply, especially the life-long drip feed, isn’t as easy to kick as those who’ve never had that experience may imagine.
You don’t know what you don’t know, it’s as simple as that. It’s why I don’t judge. I know my experience, it gives me a level of empathy, but it’s their experience and the effects will be different.
I know someone who took refuge in anger, I’m still waiting for them to calm down. But as I would not swap lives with them…I leave them be.
I don’t know what it means to be them.
If people criticise you, don’t forget the “You haven’t walked a mile in my shoes” clause! It’s truth.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
