I had a horrible day yesterday, visited my poorly brother and he looks about 80. He’s still fighting his awful illness, a dementia that’s trying to take him away from us, and I have so much admiration for him.
I was sitting at his house, enjoying being with my sister-in-law, niece, great neice, Tony, and my brother, and I suddenly realised that I wasn’t part of the conversation. Which led to me realising that I’m not and never have been part of my family, I’m off to one side, like a changeling slipped in under the covers.
It hurt a lot to realise that no one was talking to me, involving me, and to realise how carefully I have to tread with everyone around me. I chatted with an advisor about it this morning and I realised something – I am in fact different. It’s not a perception or an illusion. I think deliberately differently from many, but not all, people. I have a specific way of being based on my spiritual beliefs which involves me ensuring that I’m very aware of the people around me, their needs and emotions.
I made that a choice because I know how much unawareness and lack of acceptance hurts. If there is a stranger in a room I make sure I welcome them and include them. A lot of people would wonder at it being a choice, but that deliberate choice created an awareness that is too often missing in this world.
I realised later that I’ve been like it my whole life, but of course it only started to make sense as an adult. So…
Being different
You won’t need me to tell you that it can be highly uncomfortable. The kid out of step at school, teachers like them because they work hard, love school, are polite and reasonable. Swot! Suck up! Then there’s the strong woman who takes no prisoners. Bitch! B*ll breaker. Especially the strong female boss or leader! A man is strong a woman is hysterical. I’ve mentioned before my senior manager female friend who lost her temper when one of the men in a meeting asked if she was hormonal, her reply was epic: “No, but if I were a man I’d just be bl*ody angry wouldn’t I?” That says it all.
Of course there is also have the LGBTIQ community, who are not in truth different, they are simply themselves as heterosexual people are. Then we have people of different religions. Different nationalities. Different colours. So many perceived differences that create divides.
For me it’s simply the way I feel, connected to the universe not the United Kingdom or the Earth. Learning from my life what is and isn’t great, and seeking to be the antidote to the nastiness, lying, cheating, stealing, and one upmanship of this world.
Whatever your ‘difference’
You are that person and that way for a reason. If I back down from being a loving light then I am not being the change I want to see in the world. If I become oblivious to the feelings of others then I’ve joined the dark side. If I ever speak an unkind word then I am truly a fallen-not-angel.
I’m just person who wants to offer another way of being that causes far less hurt, it’s not much in this world, but it is something, which is always better than nothing.
Either/or?
So, there I was thinking about all this, my human identity versus my spiritual identity, and whether I should drop the name Deb altogether. Then I realised something, it was Deb that got me to this point. Without that aspect of me, without the life I’ve lived, without the hurt and the associated realisation that it wasn’t acceptable at any level, I would not have been that person.
My spiritual beliefs tell me that I’ve had to live the life I’ve lived to learn the lessons I’ve learned and ultimately I hope, to be able to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear!
If you are, or feel, different
Sit with it, consider all aspects of the difference, then realise that you are exactly who and what you’re meant to be. You can’t be anything else unless you live a lie.
All differences exist to teach us acceptance, to stop us thinking we’re God’s gift to the world, to build connections and to respect differences. The trouble is that most people don’t recognise that they’re supposed to be enjoying the vast variety of different people in this world, and the amazing things we can learn from each other.
What you do not do is feel you’re wrong for being different, for being yourself. Find your tribe, and if you don’t have a tribe then be okay alone, being different. Before you think that’s impossible, it’s what I’ve had to do and in truth I’m better off quietly alone being able to be myself rather than trying to connect with people that literally speak a different language of life. It took me a long time to learn that people are stressors for me.
Ultimately though – accept who you are, you can fight it, pretend to be different, try to please or fit in, but you’ll probably struggle a lot and it will make you feel wrong, out of step, a misfit. You’re none of those things, just you. Be yourself, follow your passions and your dreams, and if you don’t find your tribe you will at least live your life in the best way.
Sitting at home being alone won’t move you forward. Don’t do that just because you’re different. Be brave, go out, find your niche.
I am Deb and I am Amorah
Best love
Amorah – Deb
