Nine days to go until the election that surprised everyone except the people who had inside information and bet on it beforehand. Exactly how many ways can the Conservative game players bring their party down? And why?
Labour still fail to enthral. Reform are now siding with Russia so may be another group who enjoy shooting themselves in the foot. How to alienate the whole of Europe including much of your own country? I know the Farage hates the EU but come on! Ukraine didn’t declare war by doing merely ‘an exercise’ that involved tanks with live weapons and soldiers with real guns! It wasn’t that long ago Farage that we’ve lost our memories along with our minds.
I mean, if you’re staying sane during this election please let me know. I know that some of you have hope, but the financial pundits are just about despairing of every party’s un-costed/but definitely costed plans. Either the financial wizards are part of the undermine everything community, or they really think the costings were made up by people who don’t speak economics, mathematics, or common sense. Or all three.
The tax people are saying that every costed plan means that taxes will rise even though they’re definitely not going to.
The people are saying that they are definitely un-thrilled by the whole election process and can’t wait for it to be over.
Those with hope or crippled by guilt at the very idea of not voting, will vote.
The slam-dunkers will vote Labour (might as well win if you have to go through all this). Those with optimism will vote LibDem. Those who feel a bit sorry for them, or still believe there should be 3 parties in Parliament will vote Conservative. Those who don’t like ‘Just Stop Oil’ (why oh why doesn’t someone just stop them?!) probably won’t vote Green. Those who like bunnies, badgers, and hedgehogs, clean water, not swimming in sewage, and fresh air will. I like all those things but I have no hope of two things, one that they will win, and two, that anyone else will put not poisoning us first!
Those who are drunk will probably write rude words on the polling forms. Those sober but rebellious will probably write none of the above, and maybe add a few sterns words to underline their sincerity. Those disinterested will watch a film. There may be some placards.
My wife said she probably won’t vote. I pointed out that the Suffragettes suffered and died to win her the vote. She put me in a headlock and told me that whilst she very much revered those ladies they should damned well have gone into politics, set up an all female party, and given her someone sensible to vote for.
I foolishly pushed the subject so she twisted my neck, punched me on the nose, and told me that whilst the opportunity to vote was greatly appreciated, there is no rule that says she has to vote for morons, boring people, men who don’t look good in wetsuits, gamblers, Russian sympathisers, anti-the-EU-Court of Human Rights personages, dangling buffoons (think 2012 Olympics), and a big smile, voice full of hope, and more money than the sense not to go into politics.
You can imagine how long that took to say when you’re in a headlock trying to stop the blood from your nose ruining her best dress. No I didn’t dare say that punching me whilst wearing her ‘sod the election let’s party’ sequins wasn’t a great idea. I’m stupid but not that brave.
Yours in some physical discomfort and suitably chastened.
Clarence
And why isn’t there an all female party? Women can be very impressive but also look far less boring. If that’s in any way patronising, prejudiced, anti-women, anti-anyone else, anti-grey suits, anti-men, anti-seriousness, anti-being pro things, or similar, please remember that I have a splitting headache, a blue nose, and a sequin lodged in my ear. I am not at my best!
Deb Hawken - Amorah 