As I’ve already played with the idea of five fruits, aka the daily prompt, I had to come up with something different.
This is so true of me
It’s taken me over 8 years to find a decent hairdresser in my area. One appeared to be good, but the colourist translated ‘never bleach my hair’ to ‘bleach it and don’t tell her’.
The next hairdresser coloured it a nice deep auburn red, the next time it was bright red. I pointed out that the colour was entirely different, I showed her a photo, she said it was the same colour!
So now I had dry hair dyed bright red with no base colour in it. That means none of my natural brown to make it look warm/natural. It took me ages to grow it out.
The cuts were spectacular of course. The last one before I found my current hairdresser, was inexplicable. When I washed it there was a layer around the bottom 1/2” longer in places. I tried to even it up. Then one night my husband said “look I haven’t wanted to upset you, but do you mind if I trim the bottom of your hair?”
Do you value yourself?
I don’t like upsetting others and I will put up with a lot. It’s a ridiculous way to be. It’s not being a nice person, or a good person, it may be kind to them but it can be unkind to the self.
Balance is everything.
The 50/50 rule
If you don’t like to upset others to the point where you lose out, then you don’t fully value yourself as an equal.
The problem with society is how to voice displeasure in a way that doesn’t l leave you wanting to apologise every time you see that person for at least ten years.
Caring, kind, people really struggle.
Start with the 50/50 rule. We are all equal. despite outward appearances, colour, gender, race, religion, creed, or money, we are equal in the eyes of God, all souls, all the same origin. Atoms.
As such everyone is important and no one is more nor less important.
To paraphrase a dreadful political catchphrase in the UK a from a few years ago (Brexit means Brexit):
Equal means equal.
Equal is a fact.
Handle it your way
With the hairdressers I voted with my feet.
With family become too busy to see them for long. Nip in, if it becomes tense, get a headache. Walking away from family should be a last resort. I voted with my feet there too. I had to.
My brother reached out in recent years and having him back is so wonderful (with his equally wonderful family) that I can say this with conviction:
You don’t replace family. If you’re able to stay in touch do. But as you may imagine, I’m entirely supportive of not putting up with bad treatment from anyone. Family don’t get a leave pass to be horrible. We should value each other the way I value my brother and feel valued by him. Left alone we would never have fallen out.
With friends, give them three chances, do your utmost to communicate and listen, if not treat them like a bad hairdresser. If they’re nice treat them like a good one. 🤣
Happiness
This should be your perspective. Judge by your happiness ratio.
If X equals unhappy give things three good tries including honest discussions. If that fails then you know what to do – protect yourself.
Find the right way to extract yourself that leaves you both physically free and guilt free.
I often take the blame. ‘No it’s me!’ Does that sound soft, leaving them thinking they’re innocent?
Anything but. It’s me because I can’t be around someone like you, that’s the whole sentence. But why create hurt?
That isn’t me.
Besides, I’ve already told them and they haven’t listened.
Avoid all complexity
Happiness is a simple measure to use.
There a difference between life having its moments of true sadness, and self-inflicted sadness driven by keeping people around you who think causing hurt is justified by their needs.
It isn’t. That’s simple too. We none of us have that right.
If I Am Then by definition You Are, and that’s an equality that trumps everything else.
So…
- If equal respect is not present
- If a service is sub par for you
- If ‘love’ feels more like misery
- If your boss clearly isn’t on your side
- And other similar things
- Apply the happiness rule
- Keep it simple
- Act in a way that doesn’t turn you into them
- And be an equal
Happy day
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 