Marcus Aurelius

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

“Your life is what your thoughts make it.”

1st Century CE

That’s how old cosmic ordering is. It’s not a new age idea. Successful people such as Sir Winston Churchill, have known that the way you think dictates the path of your life. That’s how they became successful. That and self belief.

Another way of saying it is:

“What you focus on grows stronger.”

Or

“What you think about you bring about and grows stronger.”

When I first heard about this I didn’t like the concept. So everything I’d been through, my loneliness, my isolation, being blamed for ending a toxic marriage that even a minister told me to leave. He said he couldn’t, before God, tell me to stay in that marriage. That it was the first time he’d ever given that advice. All this was my fault because of my thoughts?

Reality check

1. I didn’t know about the power of thought.

2. I was programmed as a child, as we all are.

3. You will thrive depending on the dynamism of your birth family, the amount of support and encouragement you receive. The level of belief in, and positivity about you. I couldn’t check one of those boxes. My upbringing sucked.

4. The good news! You can change your thinking at any time and it will help.

It is true that people coming from poor families with a sad or angry attitude can thrive, we must never dismiss that idea, but when you’re beaten down from an early age it is harder. I wasn’t born stubborn, sometimes stubbornness is good when used in the right way.

Simple techniques

• Think about what you do want not what you don’t.
• Get fresh air every day, drink water. If you can’t afford a good diet those two things will help with your attitude. Dehydration makes the mind foggy and it doesn’t work as well. I heard a rumour that water isn’t as good with tea and coffee in it. Which is a pest, but I found that a glass of water while I’m preparing a hot drink got me into good habits.
• Sleep. Regular bed time. Cool bedroom. Glass of water by the bed.
• Mediation is wonderful but if you find it hard, try to come up with a good, positive, happy daydream every night before sleep and every morning as you wake up. In this daydream you’re living your best life in every possible way. You’re thriving, and happy, and have all that you need. Don’t try to dream of mansions, I tried that, I don’t want a mansion, for any number of reasons. I’d feel so uncomfortable with all that ostentation! Dream of where you will be happy.
• Use run on sentences. “I’ll never be able to change my life (pause to recognise that thought is creating your future 😱) yet other people have so I can too. I’ll just take one small step every day. That will work.” “Everyone hates me (pause)…maybe I’m with the wrong people!” “I loathe this career (shorter pause) I wonder how I can retrain?” Get to the point where there is no pause and you’ll quickly get to the point where there are no bad thoughts.
• If you were trained to think ineffectually, the good news is that you have the power to retrain yourself. Use it. Start with thinking because that changes your choices which change your actions. It’s not woo-woo it’s logic.

As an adult you are the only person in your head and power in your life. It’s up to you what you let in, what you choose to believe, what you choose to do. Any idea that you don’t have this power is simply wrong.

But…

If you’re in an abusive relationship for example, struggling with a disability, or anything that makes lives feel harder for you:

• Take it slowly
• You can reach the stars it may just take a little longer to build the ladder. A very dear friend of mind was born with a condition affecting her mobility, she’s been wheelchair bound for at least a decade, and has recently started working as a councillor – from her wheelchair. You can work on line nowadays which is a game changer for those with mobility issues.
• Take very careful steps when you’re escaping abuse. Get help if you can obviously. But the smallest change in mindset will start to break your pattern. And you don’t need to tell your abuser one damned thing about it. It all happens inside, and no one can do a thing about that! It took me six years to build up my courage, one small step at a time. Once I started I dug in, I stuck with it, and…

I became perfectly stubborn in the best possible way!

Believe in yourself. The saying is true.

One small step for humankind – creates one huge step for you. Add yes you are worth it. Happiness wasn’t created for some, it’s available to all, and you don’t need a mansion or millions. You just need to create those daydreams into reality. One step at a time.

This blog could be your first step forward!

💖💖💖

Deb xx