For many years I wasn’t as up-front as this, I was basically in hiding in my own life.
Anxiety is the great un-doer of personality. It takes everything you think you are and changes you into something you don’t recognise. People very quickly pick up on this, and only the best keep supporting you, the rest view you with suspicion and as someone ‘not quite capable’. You know the story.
My spiritual beliefs changed all that.
Practical Spirituality for Everyday Living
I took myself to church when I was 7, I went alone. When I was 14 I walked away. I loved communicating with God through prayer, but sadly I had a vicar whose God was always looking out for faults, and if God was love I couldn’t understand that.
Then one day I’d confessed my sins, which meant going through the endless book they gave you and picking something I thought I could have done, I’m pretty sure at one point I confessed to something way outside my range of experience. I walked out of the confessional to do the requisite Hail Mary’s, when two ladies got up to leave.
As they walked up the aisle one said to the other “Did you see Margaret’s hat this morning?!” “Yes I did, what was she thinking?” I nearly called out after them “it’s okay, that’s something you can confess next week”. That really got me thinking.
Was it okay to confess sins, continue as normal, and then confess them again the next week? To me the answer was that God was watching all the time, and trying to be a better person wasn’t fulfilled by one day at mass, quick confession, then do what you like. So I walked away, and found myself feeling very alone.
The penny drops unexpectedly
After a few years of feeling cut off from something amazing and worthwhile, followed by more years of managing to mess up every area of my life, with far too much help from the people around me, I discovered that I was a medium, in the middle of a telephone call. Not the kind of medium you find in Marks & Spencer, one of the ones Spirit talk to. I had not expected that in any way, shape or form, and I was stunned.
That led to a weird set of circumstances resulting in my being introduced to my Spirit Guide, Eduoard Fouchard. Correct spelling of Eduoard in his case. I’m glad I was as spirit guides, or guardian angels as some people call them, are there to help you. As I found some aspects of the spiritual field not entirely kind, I was very glad of his help and support.
They can help you with this life, work with you to make the best decisions, tell you about things you never suspected existed or were possible, and prove their existence in ways you couldn’t make up. I say this purely from my own personal experience, I don’t expect anyone else to believe this, I can only say with honesty this is 100% true for me.
One very interesting thing was that I’d heard of Native American, Buddhist, Angel, guides, but I’d never heard of a French accountant being a guide, nor would I ever have imagined that, or come up with that name. That proved to me that something real was happening more than anything else could.
I’d worked with a mentor for many years who helped me to look at life in a different way, but when I became a medium he didn’t know how to help me or train me. So off I went for training, found out how mediumship and the spiritual field worked, launched myself on a unsuspecting public.
The interesting thing was that no matter what you may think about mediumship, to me it brought the sensation of God back into my life. Rather than a man I felt a beautiful presence overseeing everything, and I started to feel complete again. This was when I realised that God (in whichever way you choose to view that form) was a part of every single life that wanted to connect to that presence.
Some years later
Eduoard moved on to help my mentor when it was his time to pass, and White Cloud became my next Guide, he handed over to Amos about 15 years ago, and we’re a permanent team. Apparently he is my life guide/guardian angel. The one there when you’re born and there when you go home.
Eventually I moved away from the spiritual field and started to find my own path through life and work. Just a purely personal opinion, but I believe that spirituality is based on the soul, relevant to life in this world, and I know for a personal fact that it can change everything if you live you life that way. I keep stressing the word personal because this journey is very personal, it doesn’t work the same way for everyone, and I’d never try to convince anyone of anything, just share for your consideration.
I decided that my work was to challenge classical thinking. To help people to see who they really were and have confidence in that. To challenge social ideas and suggest a kinder, more empowering, gentler way to live your life.
My dream was to do that through poetry and plays. I did write one play and I loved the layers in it, you could find it funny, find a strong message in it, both, or just enjoy it anyway. ‘Teaching’ can be heavy handed sometimes. I have quite a few half-written plays that I’d like to finish, and I would very much like the Muse to reconnect with me and add that spark to my writing that I lost years ago. It’s never been as dynamic, as me, as much of a compulsion since. But I still write.
This is me
As you have read, I’m hardly a classical human being. I am weird and not always wonderful, this soul is very aware of her human side. My belief system is left of peculiar for many people. Yet a child bought up to be perfect and conform to a very narrow way of life, has been able to step entirely out of her childhood and other social programming and be herself. What’s more she’s stepped onto a kinder and more compassionate path.
Who are you?
If you’re struggling in life, or can’t answer that question. If you feel that you’ve never even thought to explore that idea. If you’re in a job, career, relationship, life, that doesn’t suit you at all. Just take some time to think. To ask:
- Who am I?
- What do I believe in?
- What were/are my dreams?
- Am I living the life I wanted to live when I was young?
- Am I staying in jobs, relationships, etc., that make me unhappy because I believe I have to or ought to?
- Do I think all my problems are my fault so I don’t take action?
- Do I feel that I didn’t make my life work when I was young and it’s too late now?
- Did I do badly at school and believe that means I have to struggle all my life?
- Have I given up on happiness?
- Have I ever considered being my authentic, human, flawed, weird, wonderful, amazing, true self?
Questions 1-4 are exploratory questions, getting you in the right mindset.
Questions 5-8 are all myths and the kind of social thinking we need to undo. We all need to be able to make decisions for ourselves, not in line with what everyone but us thinks, believes, or needs. You may only need a backpack and a satnav to be happy! House, car, job, mortgage, may not mean anywhere near as much to you as experiences and freedom.
Questions 9 and 10 are critical. Don’t give up on something that is within your power to create, happiness. Your truth and being your authentic self are the things that will help you create it.
You’d tell anyone else they deserved the best life has to offer wouldn’t you? Now go look in a mirror and tell yourself that. And listen!
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 