Communication is the hardest thing that any two humans can attempt. That might sound like a wildly dramatic, overblown statement, but it’s also true.
From the many wars and conflicts currently afflicting our planet, through inter-political party arguments, to bully bosses, fractured families, and pseudo friendships, communication is fraught with breakdowns. The main problem is…
We don’t know
We judge the actions of others based on our life experience, and we all know that other people have different experiences, but we don’t give that sufficient weight. It’s one of those known-knowns that we forget to think about. It’s neither a sin nor a crime, it’s just humans being humans, reacting to their life experience and being triggered by we know not what at times.
The nervous wreck
As those lovely people who either know me, or follow this blog, will know, I suffered from acute anxiety for decades. There were reasons for this. I didn’t wake up one morning and decided to be scared and anxious the whole time, it crept up on me from the age of 2, kicked in when I was 16, and despite my best efforts it didn’t go until I was in my early 60’s when I found out exactly what it was and how to get rid of it.
During the wreck years very few people ever asked me why I was the way I was, they laughed at me, rolled their eyes when they thought I wasn’t looking and when they knew I was, and although they didn’t realise it, generally enjoyed feeling better off than someone else. Sadly humans will think they’re okay when they’re not as big a mess as other people, my ex husband stood in that judgement and found out otherwise.
The important point was that I didn’t know. I got on with life, wrote plays, had one performed, run an am dram group, didn’t take time off sick from work (mental health wasn’t a thing then), and generally lived an active and engaged life. I wasn’t given to thinking back and re-evaluating the past. I didn’t know I should. As far as I knew I was a fairly normal adult living my life and struggling a bit, like everyone else. I was shocked when I realised how ill I was, but now I don’t think of myself as ever ill, I think of myself who had a whole raft of problems and reacted accordingly.
The past is a…
Never mind. All of us have things that happened to us in the past. All countries have things that happened in the past. Mistakes are made at global, national, and personal levels all the time. Bad things are done at the same three levels, all the time. We have to get past the past and together create a great future.
I would say that we can do that by talking, but at the difficult times communication takes a faster dive south than a buzzard after a mouse. Whether it’s personal or takes place on the national or world stage, we humans need to learn to let go of what we think we know – half the truth is no truth, to own and apologise for the mistakes of the past, and step forward trying to be better at being people.
Another thing we all know and ignore, is that the past can’t be changed. I’m British, I’d change a lot of our past and I can think of many countries I’d say the same of. I can’t do that. I would tell all those affected that I’m sorry, but to be honest I wasn’t born and it won’t help. Plus a lot of the people’s I would apologise too have their own dust swept under the carpet, however far back in the past.
Whether at a personal, national or international level, we won’t solve any problems unless we start from now, together, talking, listening, understanding.
On a personal note, my brother rang me a couple of years ago and held out an olive branch, in the kindest way imaginable. Thanks to him we are a family again, I have wonderful nephews and great nephews. I also have a niece but she lives a long way away. We haven’t discussed the past, we just agreed that it was a mess, and moved forward. No one apologised, no one made any excuses, we picked up a fresh thread and we’re going that way. We’re deliberately, consciously, being different. My sister(-in-law) is a great cook, and makes me lovely gluten free cakes, that helps.
I don’t know whether we would be moving forward in this way if we’d dug up the past and dissected it, I don’t think we would.
I wish that somehow we could do that internationally before anymore children die. I wish we could talk, work things out, accept differences, view people by what they do now. Create great societies for everyone. Help in times of trouble. Not fear each other.
To world peace
Yes I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one!
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 