Define Importance

Definition is everything. The questions that need answering here are:

* What is nothing?

* What is everything?

It’s possible to feel that you lack a great deal in life, and then realise that what you don’t have is far less important than what you do have.

Consumerism

We live in a world driven by money, and no one can dismiss money as unimportant, the very basics that keep us alive aren’t free, food, water, heat. So we can’t just toss money to one side and we need to treat is as extremely important. Having established that, and that it’s not a crime to make money important, let’s toss it to one side for a bit.

It’s a stupidly expensive world now. We had very little in the 1950s but it was an easier world to be poor in. We helped each other. Everyone in our area was poor, so we were normal. We lived a very basic life, and it was less stressful as a result. A day in the park with a ball was a real treat, and so much fun.

We had a dog and she ate what we ate. Yep, full roast dinner in a Sunday, refused all her life to eat a mouthful on a Wednesday. No idea why. She set the rule and we followed it.

Nowadays children feel disenfranchised if they don’t have technology, mobile phones are pretty much a must. Especially as it may be a drive to school, and mum isn’t a short walk away when needed. It was possible for a teacher to quickly walk a poorly child home in my childhood. Not often possible now.

Things we need are expensive, a fridge and freezer; no nipping down to the local shops for fresh food every other day anymore. It’s a drive to get food.

Hence cars that cost ten times what our first 3 bed house cost. Why did a simple car ever have to cost more than a luxury hotel suite?

That’s why we can’t put money to one side, and yet in order to mitigate the effect of money wherever we can, it has to be viewed within a bigger picture.

Living a life

Apart from my childhood I’ve been very fortunate financially. Yet in those first six years I was happier than I was in the next 30/40 years. My family were close, we had tremendous fun together.

My grandfather died, leaving my Nan a huge sum of £1000, she gave it to dad for a deposit it on a house so that she could live with us, and that destroyed everything. So even though we’ve put it to one side, money is a critical issue when defining what you need to focus on in life, and it has wider effects than spending.

Put a £20 note on a table and nowadays those plastic notes will still be sitting there in a hundred years time. Nothing will have happened. Give money to some humans and the story will be different. Often the problems don’t come from the ones with the money though.

If your financial stars change you’ll likely lose a good few people from your life as they can’t get past it. Which all complicates the happy living thing.

Definition

Okay so I played with the idea of money to demonstrate its intrinsic value in our lives. We need it, being in poverty is awful nowadays, in the UK it’s a medieval disgrace. Yet no matter what, having a clear idea of what matters most to you will help.

To know that the people and pets you love are everything is a good start. If you don’t have those things the loneliness is excruciating, I know this from a fact of my life. I lost all but three people. But here’s the thing, they were the three best people.

If you’re in that position I feel deeply for you, but I’ve always been important to me, I loved me when it felt like no one else did. No matter what you are not worthless and you can rebuild.

Put yourself top of the everything list, you are your life and you’re the only true power in it.

I also suggest reading “The Law of Attraction” by Esther and Jerry Hicks, it may not be what you think it is, not just about stuff, it’s phenomenal life advice to help you get the most powerful tool at your disposal working properly for you. Your own mind.

Those questions – nothing

What is nothing? There are at least three ways to look at this:

• You have no stuff, could be as bad as no money, nowhere to live. As such what is your personal amount of nothing? If you have something you’re immediately better off. That’s hopeful.
• You feel entirely alone in the world. That may be true, and again, I know how hard that is, but on the other hand you may have good people but you’re overwhelmed by the losses. This blog is the first time that I’ve ever fully realised that the three people I had left were the best three for me. I was overwhelmed by the pain. It makes far more powerful memories, because it has such a strong impact.
• Really you have a great deal but the suffering in your life makes it difficult to see it. You lose anyone precious, a precious pet, and a void separates you from your life for a while. Try to move forward as soon as you can 💖. Whenever people tell me that someone they know is just negative, I ask them what happened to that person. There’s always a reason.

So there are the three aspects of nothing that I can see. There’s an important fourth thought though, you may have a lot but it’s not what you want…or need!

The next question – everything

The people and pets I love are everything, you probably feel the same, let’s take that as a given.

I wish everyone in the world, all the animals in the world, lived in comfort and safety. That’s an everything thing too, isn’t it.

But have you ever noticed that there are two types of people who appear to have everything?

The hidden rich who’ve locked themselves away somewhere behind high walls, trying to choose which colour of incredibly expensive car in their showroom style garage they’ll get someone to drive them in today, whilst a minion polishes their gold bath taps. Are they happy? Do they have everything? We don’t know. How does it feel to know that there are people out there willing to kidnap your child or partner, lop of an ear or digit, demand a fortune, and then possibly still kill them. It can’t be all joy living like that can it? For our peace of mind and as a good reality check, it’s important to consider that.

The famous rich. Celebrities, musicians (John Lennon for one), actors, some politicians, all of whom pay a huge price for being well-known. Particularly in protection. As do our Royal family.

This really makes having everything into an interesting concept, begging any number of questions.

• Do we ruin our everything by wanting more than we really need, our perhaps even truly want? I used to dream of a big house and I hate housework, wouldn’t have anyone in to do it because of the cats. Now I dream of a smart two bed chalet bungalow. That will stress me far less. I haven’t compromised on having somewhere beautiful, I’ve just taken away the bedrooms we don’t need.
• Have we ever clarified what ‘everything’ would be to us personally, avoiding all the pressures of consumerism and perceptions of success?
• Have we ever clarified success? Is it simply feeling great and the rest can take care of itself?
• Is ‘everything’ part of our physical world, our mental attitude, or a bit of both?
• What if we just relaxed and enjoyed life?

Realistic conclusion

To discover our nothing and everything, and how clear we are on both, requires us to question ourselves in our own way. Finding our own personal answers.

It requires realism. Money is a necessity, how can we improve our position if we need to? For a start realise there’s plenty to go around and you deserve to feel secure.

Nothing can be written that can help everyone, and I hope I’ve made it clear that I recognise how hard it can be to get ahead in life.

I’m actually not where I want to be. I’ve tried hard to makes something of my career, but a combination of poor choices (not all mine), acute anxiety in the days you were just a nervous wreck, a toxic family background, a gaslighting ex, unkind people, all led to me hiding at home and trying to stay sane. Even though I’ve been recommended to publishers by well-ish known authors, they won’t look at newbies anymore, they can’t afford to take the risk so…there you go. I get it.

But I’m happy. My everything’s are the simple things. Everything else is a bonus. I love just doing this. Just knowing that maybe I’m helping someone, somewhere. If it builds I will be thrilled, if it doesn’t I’m doing one of my everything’s anyway. So there!

Love Deb xx