What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you could?
I now realise that when I was a child my lovely, funny father had a breakdown. It wasn’t sudden it was cumulative. The sense of humour remained, but it was overwhelmed by fear a lot of the time. That fear took the form of medical anxiety.
I was impressionable and I caught it. When my life went to hell in a hand basket and the terror invaded in my stomach in just one step, my acute anxiety focused on the medical.
I’m actually a medical marvel who has overcome any number of imagined illnesses and survived sane(ish). 😉
That might sound quite lighthearted, but anxiety is a terrible liar and at the time it feels absolutely real. You wake up waiting for something to fall off. You drag yourself through a day checking for symptoms, and you go to sleep scared.
Anxiety is truly the biggest bitch on this planet. It takes your mind and destroys it. It turns your thoughts to the darkness, and you crawl through each day just trying to survive. Wake up, the weight of it comes back, and you do it all again. In my case for 40 years.
I didn’t ask for medication because I saw that destroy my father and honorary American uncle. Two of the finest minds I’ve ever know reduced to rubble by Valium. It’s so good that the UK medical profession won’t prescribe those tablets now.
So, long story short, there was one medical condition in particular that terrified me. When I suspected I had it I was paralysed. I was also confused because it was my boob I was worried about (sorry gentlemen), but it seemed fine.
Turns out I was decades behind the latest methods of checking the breast. You start at the collar bone. You too gentlemen, we all have a breast.
As you may imagine, I never thought I could cope with that. This was when I found out how much I’d changed.
It was a huge relief when I asked Tony to call the doctor for me (brave I know 🤣), I didn’t quite run out of the room but I did think about it. That felt odd – relief.
The doctor asked to see me in half an hour, listed to the fact that I couldn’t let this get inside my head, I do drama too well. He just said very gently “Well I’ve seen what you’ve seen”.
He referred me to the hospital 1/2 an hour later. I received a call setting up my appointment on the Tuesday, attended the following Tuesday. No waiting in the waiting room. Scan already set up. Biopsies done. She was also very gentle in confirming the diagnosis.
The doctor that took over my care listened to me and told Tony everything. I did run that time, but I know how to manage my mind. 🤣
The thing was though that I had no sense of panic at all. I’m not attached to the issue, I just do as I’m told. It’s nothing to do with me. My experts deal with it.
The tablets are wonderful, once the side effects settle. I’m not telling you there aren’t bumps in the road, would you believe you have to come off the tablets if you have a tooth out? That freaked me out completely, but I have my beauties back.
It’s really important if something like this happens that you embrace the treatment as a good thing. Come on, it’s saving your life! Potentially for decades. Feel lucky, feel fortunate, feel blessed. My friend’s grandmother was on them for over 20 years and died of old age in her 90s.
Obviously not all such treatments are nice, we know that. But it is important that everyone knows that there is a range of help out there. No need to expect the worst. Just seek help.
So, that’s my story, I went into the condition a bit in case there are people out there worried that they’ve m left it too long. That can be why you get the lifelong tablets, as the consultant stressed it to me. So it can be a win/win situation.
I’m obviously making no promises, I’m not an expert, what I am saying is that there is still a potential for good. Cross your fingers, pray, And embrace the help with gratitude.
There is one thing I have to say though, quite out of left field.
Reform UK
A nasty right wing political party who have just undergone an undercover investigation by ITV. The racism and misogyny coming out of the mouths of too many of their people is sickening in the extreme. Some want to get rid of all but one percent of people of colour.
My entire medical team with the exception of one consultant is Asian. Several GPs at our surgery are too. My entire audiology team is Asian.
They deliver an exceptional service of old style British customer first service. I cannot recommend them highly enough or find sufficient words of praise or gratitude. My UK heritage doctors and nurses are beatiful too.
To lose one of them to an insulting and repulsive group like that would be a disaster for the UK. Let alone the many hardworking people out there keeping our country running.
But there is one vital point every English person needs to remember, Scots and Welsh too, but it was the government in London that made the decisions.
We invaded their countries, killed their people, suppressed and oppressed them. We are unbelievably lucky that King George VI and Queen Elizabeth built that atrocity into a Commonwealth of equals and respect, and that their people want to live here. We did do some good in terms of infrastructure, yes, but the rest of that aspect of our legacy is terrible.
They have a right to be here and we should never forget that.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
