Four Grandchildren

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

We couldn’t have children. I only got pregnant once and that ended in the predicted two weeks. Endometriosis.

People laughed at Meghan Markle cuddling her bump. I wanted people to walk on the other side of the road. I trusted no one to share a pavement with her.

It was very odd as the main reason I only got pregnant once was because I never wanted children. I declared that very firmly aged two and never changed my mind. Hannah was an accident. A beautiful one.

I’ve never regretted that experience, even though losing her doubled me up in agony. It gave me a special moment in my life, and so much more understanding of parents. That’s always good.

Fast forward 30 years

A few years prior I lost a very dear friend. A force of nature. The kindest person I’ve ever met. A cackling laugh that I still miss every day.

She left six children behind. One of which connected strongly to me, and I her. It was a blended family and Laura and her sister Kat are very close. We know Kat too and just like her mother, you have to love her. Only a fool wouldn’t.

When Laura became pregnant she realised that her children would never have grandparents. So she asked Tony and I. Me! Quiet, reclusive me! To step in for Mandy Serafina Headly!

Was the universe kidding! Serafina, as I called her, was the brightest star I’ve ever seen shine in this world. Her sense of humour was legendary, her life would have challenged many people but she lived it, and left it, with grace and good humour.

I didn’t know everything about her, Laura fleshes her out a lot more for me. I’m sure she had a temper, we all do, but I’ve never heard anyone who knew her well say a bad word. She told me her ex had to carry her upstairs, the last night I messaged her, it came with a laughter emoji. I was in awe.

So…

I’m now a mums and grandmother

I can’t be mum, that’s both of us. Her own mum has to remain front and centre of everything. I’m the stand in.

We have the most beautiful inherited daughter, inside and out, with that same cackle. She bought me a son-in-law who cannot see how incredible he is. Best father I’ve ever met. Amazing partner. Very kind to me, Tony has a great deal of time for him. You couldn’t not like him.

She also brought Kat with her. We truly like her.

But but but…She also gifted us Raphael, Xander, and Simon threw in Isla and Alfie as beautiful bonuses. They’re older.

From childless to parents and grandparents in one step. Wondering how the heck you do this? Zero prior experience! Would they accept petting and chin rubs or is that only for cats? Who knew.

We said straight away that we couldn’t treat the older two any differently, they had to become our grandchildren from the word go. Could we do it?

When Rapha was born we met Isla and Alfie. We met at a farm where the kids could have a lot of fun, and I could cuddle Rapha until someone made me give him back because they were going home.

We fell completely in love with them both in seconds. Absolutely adore them. They’re typical children, have their moments, but their baseline is kindness and it will win out. You haven’t been hugged until you’ve been hugged by Isla and Alfie.

Oddly, if they’re naughty, I’m always looking the other way.

I (think I) lost a friend on Saturday, turned his back on me after two decades. It hurts like hell and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

We met the family at a zoo yesterday. Alfie came hurtling up, threw his arms round me, and it’s all okay. Just like that. Will I ever speak to my friend again, I don’t know, but when you have a family like ours who love you? You know you can cope because you have so much more.

They are my greatest gift, but how I wish that they could have known their birth grandmother. It’s not so bad though, I nearly fell over the first time I saw Laura. A double-take at a funeral is a surreal experience. They’re identical twins in every way.

So through her, Rapha, Xander, Isla and Alfie, will know Mandy Serafina Headly. And I will make sure I keep her front and centre of their lives.

But the real kicker, the icing on the cake, is that the universe gifted us a daughter. That’s beyond wonderful. As she is.

Best love

Amorah – Deb