Perfection?

As many of you know I’ve been writing about the impossibility of being perfect for any human. This awful, tragic, heartbreaking story is an illustration of exactly that.

Jason was made a Professor at Cambridge a few years ago, he was very young as you can see. Such a beautiful face and such kind eyes. Everything was going well for him, he often commentated on TV programmes, he was highly respected.

He’s a father of two young children, a loved partner, and adored son. His parents were immensely proud and rightly so. He taught a branch of social sciences.

He died this week by suicide.

The Fall

He was accused of plagiarism in a piece of work. Cambridge went after him hard.

It didn’t matter that he was a well liked and good professor, respected for his opinions enough to be on television.

In fact, as normal, the news media blasted it everywhere. Picking him apart. Then the Internet trolls waded in. He only lasted a week.

I left social media and I will never go back.

He resigned then ended the life he must have felt had ended when the world that didn’t know him decided to join in tearing him apart.

The Truth

Jason was autistic. He didn’t speak until he was 11 and couldn’t read or write until he was 18 yet he fought back to become a Cambridge professor.

He talked about his difficulties with writing. He can’t form sentences as we do he has to visualise them. I can’t imagine how that works.

This from Google when I looked up memory and Autism.

Strengths: Many excel at visual memory, pattern recognition, rote memorization (recalling scripts, songs, or entire texts word-for-word), and retaining deep factual knowledge related to special interests. 

It seems to me to be entirely possible that this man didn’t even know what he remembered, and it simple popped up as an idea for his writing. He admitted to mistakes in his writing for real reasons. Writing was not natural to him.

There is no evidence that Cambridge made any effort to consider this. The hallowed halls had been tainted, action was swift and vicious.

They did do a study and found him to be at fault. That’s all it took to tear several lives apart.

A pile of bricks was more important than a human with a recognised condition.

Perfectionism

This man is a victim of everything I’ve been writing about recently, especially the demand for perfection from others.

Jason Arday is not the first person to end their life because they were judged and found wanting. His wasn’t a simple case of cheating, far from it, it was a complex neurological case.

I’m a person who no matter how hard I tried I was never good enough.

I was put down for being intelligent, my brother was told he was stupid. Writing and academia weren’t his strong point, helping people was.

I try to help. Yet we are both not good enough?

Fortunately neither of us were suicidal, but in my life I’ve discovered how easy it is to approach that point, and although I don’t think I’m the type, I’d never bet against it. My life hasn’t been a picnic.

It’s the straw and the camel’s back. Jason Arday’s straw was swift and vicious. Should have remained private. Respectfully to him, he was a professor not someone with their finger on a nuclear button, or Prime Minister.

I have immense sympathy for this man. His courage in just living his life and fighting the effects of his condition as a young boy. So very successfully. That alone, plus the hope he brings to people who are autistic to plough their own path, that’s enough to make his life valuable.

Lack of perfection was not enough to tear a life apart.

I felt I had to write about him, show him the respect he deserves. Stand up for his human right not to be perfect.

I would say to those people on social media who waded in though, what they did was far, far worse than anything this lovely man did. He didn’t drive them to take their lives, but collectively they’re partly responsible for this.

All because he wasn’t born perfect. Just human.

Your humanity will be tested during your life, probably has many times. Like me you aren’t perfect, like us all, but you are important, you do matter, and no one imperfect gets to take away your sense of self. No one.

If you’re not into crime and violence, if you’re not a social media troll, you’re doing okay. If you care about others including strangers when you hear things like this…

You’re one in a million

and don’t you forget it!

Actually, hopefully better odds than one in a million, but you get the point. Your very kindness makes you everything this world needs.

Jason Arday was needed, for his courage alone. Just in living an everyday life. Let that be his epitaph.

Best love

Be perfect in your imperfection, as Jason was. 💖

Amorah – Deb