What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?
Negativity is a very dangerous word emotionally speaking. I was criticised for my anxiety and negativity for years.
I still am called negative sometimes, such as when I was struggling to settle with my diagnosis and the changes it’s brought into my life. But here’s the truth – my life sucked then and it sucks now.
This is not me being negative, it’s a simple fact, and it’s nothing to do with my medical condition. Emotionally it sucked from the day I was born.
I’m not saying this so that you feel sorry for me, I really don’t need it, I was born with enormous strength and resilience. I am utterly blessed. I’m saying this because at every stage of my life I could tell you true stories that makes most people say “you can’t be serious!” I am.
The odd thing? I have never once been abused in any way, shape or form. It’s all been emotional.
I’m not blaming anyone, or hating on anyone, none of that would do any good at all. It is just what I have experienced as a fact. Is it me? Is it them? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s me because I couldn’t have done to others what’s happened to me. But can you ever be sure?
And that’s the challenge
When you’ve had a tough life emotionally and it’s dragged you down, it’s hard to trust yourself. You listen to every criticism and take it apart to try to see if you’re wrong, right, or insane.
This is the vital point
Emotions are nebulous. People do and say things and it doesn’t affect them, but it affects you. If you tell them that you will often find that they will snap at you, tell you you’re weak, hit you with the anxiety clause. But you must ask yourself one question:
Was what just happened acceptable?
That question is vital. Because people will behave badly, shout, be spiteful, put you down, criticise, even hit you, but if you react you are negative and if it affects your mental health, you are made to feel that there’s something wrong with you.
All because they are not nice people.
Be logical – be discerning
When you’re triggered, stop. Think about the image above. Is your reaction negative or is it a logical result of something that did happen?
It’s really important that you’re able to say “That was unkind; that was spiteful; that was unnecessary, and it did happen. Therefore my reaction is absolutely correct.”
My reaction to my life is correct. I have no doubt of that. I’ve examined it over the years, I have the evidence based in actual words and actions. I had two identical warnings years ago that I ignored, I take responsibility for that.
Sometimes the fault lies in staying.
Dealing with those thoughts?
- Is there a reason I feel awful? Which leads us to:
- Are my feelings justified?
- Therefore is my negativity and anxiety justified?
- Once you’ve worked that out take action, seek help, or both.
I know as well as anyone does how simplistic and trite that sounds. I would never say the words pull yourself together. I would say use that simple strategy, trust yourself, don’t accept all the blame, get help, create change.
I couldn’t change the problems in my life, and God knows I tried, but I could change me, and I did.
Quick example. On Sunday we were invited to a birthday party. It was lovely. At the end a political discussion broke out. The 19 year old daughter was listened to, but myself and two other older ladies weren’t allowed to get a word in edgewise. The only person around that table with actual political experience was me.
I tried twice, then I declared that the cats needed feeding and walked out.
They were rude, they were disrespectful, of that there was no doubt. But the new me walked away. No tantrums, no arguments, no tears, I just removed myself.
😉
Or you could just decide to be happy in spite of other people and situations. Life has genuine ups and downs, but people are a different matter. If people or places don’t make you happy…you have the hint ⬆️
This was a hard blog to write today, I hope it’s helped someone. Xx
Best love
Amorah – Deb
Deb Hawken - Amorah 