Do you have any collections?
I started collecting memories when I was born, obviously. Unfortunately I struggle to remember many good times, I know they happened but they’re far outweighed by the struggle.
Milders: I told you to take to drink years ago but would you listen?
Deb: That is not a healthy way to encourage anyone to deal with their problems! Look at you, glass eye, false leg, all because you fell down a well at a party drunk as a Lord!
Milders: As I was still laughing when they found me three days later I rest my case.
Deb: Sigh. Do not follow this woman’s advice readers! It’s very bad!
Milders: Which is why you should follow it…I don’t like that look…put the bat down…use moderation readers…ouch! I said use moderation!
Deb: You didn’t mean it!
Milders: Of course I didn’t, all such politically correct advice is virtue signalling to stop you being sued. No one really means it which is why people ignore it.
Deb: You do too!
Milders: Years of practice dear!
Sigh: Where was I? Collections, thimbles.
I started collecting them in the 80’s. They were a nice small momento of trips and life events. I restored an old printers’ tray to put them in. They’re still on the wall in the hall. About 100 of them. Maybe more. They’re good memories.
Milders: You haven’t dusted them in years!
Deb: I know. The tray is impossible to dust. The thimbles I can clean but the tray is so fiddly the corners are perennially thick dust.
Milders: Lay it on the floor and vacuum it.
Deb: What? Why haven’t you mentioned that idea in the last 40 years?
Milders: I was waiting to see what happened, besides as I don’t do housework it seemed a bit two-faced.
Deb: True. Anymore good advice up that sleeve of yours?
Milders: Stop suffering fools and trust yourself.
Deb: Who are you and what have you done with my pain in the arse?
Milders: I’m trying to help the readers, I gave up on you years ago. You stick with people I’d push over a cliff without a second’s hesitation if I thought I’d enjoy prison. It’s only my claustrophobia and shopping addiction that saves me, and them. It’s why I drink.
Erm, so, crystals!
I started collecting them quite unexpectedly. I didn’t know they existed until I discovered I was a Medium. Started going to mind, body, spirit shows, and discovered all these amazing stones.
Milders: Shiny things – Magpie!
Deb: No. A thimble chooses you, you don’t choose it!
Milders: Dresses do that to me!
Deb: I’m serious. They have energy and meaning.
Milders: So do my dresses.
Sigh. I had no idea about crystals until I was feeling absolutely exhausted one day, as if I only had energy up to my knees. I felt well but I could barely put one foot in front of the other.
At lunchtime I thought I’d go for a walk and see if exercise and fresh air would help. I found myself outside a shop in Bath called ‘Crystals’ and just had to go in.
It was full of shiny things…
Milders: Told you, magpie!
Deb: B…
Milders: Careful, your fake reputation as a lady will be shot if you call me a bitch in writing.
Deb: I am a lady!
Mildred: Rubbish. You’ve got bigger cojones than most men, and you’re quietly more dangerous than me!
Deb: Tell tale!
Milders: You should know by now that I leave no reputation un-wrecked!
Crystals! So I walk in and this total stranger looks at me and says: “Who’s draining your energy? I want to say female and I want to say cousin.”
I nearly fell over as my cousin was an absolute nightmare to deal with. The most tragically messed up person I’ve ever met, genuinely hurt, and you tried and tried to understand but it was exhausting.
I told Tony several times when we first met, that she was thinking about me. I knew because I was tired. He laughed. When we got back together after one of the family fall outs…
Milders: Big mistake! I told you to stay away, your family wasn’t just toxic it was brutal and you were the whipping boy! You were always too soft. Yes she had awful past, what was done to her was evil, but she never came to the point of dealing with it. People have to understand that they can’t make others pay for things they didn’t do…did that sound wise?
Deb: Very.
Milders: I knew you’d rub off…I knew it! I’m ruined! I’m going to start thinking worthy and understanding thoughts. I’ll be sympathising with criminals next! I’ll lose my entire career, all three boyfriends, and have to sell matches on the streets to survive.
Deb: Okay…put your head between your knees. Nice slow calming breaths, in for a count of five, hold for five, out for a count of 8. There you go!
Milders: That really works! I’ve never calmed down that fast. Where did you learn that?
Deb: Forty years of acute anxiety.
Milders: Well it had its useful point. You ruined my drama though!
Deb: Your dramas are fake. Pure attention seeking.
Milders: And?
…When we got back together after one of the family fall outs she told Tony that she used to do on the back doorstep sending out “Debbie…call me call me call me!”
Milders: The best thing about walking away from your family was getting rid of that ridiculous name. You’re so not a Debbie. It gave you entirely the wrong energy. Sweet little Debbie. Ugh! You’re no staid and elegant Debra either. That’s way too buttoned up and proper for you.
Deb: I’m a Deb, short, simple, and friendly. My oldest friend always called me Deb.
Milders: I’m not your oldest friend.
Deb: Yes you are dear.
Milders: Don’t patronise me!
Deb: I’m not…you’re older than her!
Sound of screaming, doors slamming, things breaking and Deb hiding in the cupboard trying not to laugh.
Milders: Bitch! You know I can’t stand the truth! You’ll be telling them my age next!
Deb: I would never tell them you’re 78.
Milders: Blood curdling scream!
Deb: She’s nowhere near 78 but that was fun.
Ouch…
So, as I’ve said before, this lady got me to choose a stone I liked, then I chose two particular stones that felt right. As per her instructions. How can you possibly have a dozen identical crystals of the exact same type and only resonate with two of them?
I don’t know, but it’s true, it worked, my energy was normal within minutes.
Anyway, those are my collections. Along with a sulking friend. Don’t worry, I only have to say cake and…
Milders: All is forgiven?
There you go!
I love working with Milders, repeating things you’ve said before is far less boring, and being far less boring is good.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
Milders – the rebel
P.S. I actually think that Milders is the wisest of us. She lives her life on her own terms, doesn’t apologise for herself, is fearlessly straight, absolutely real, and understands that being endlessly kind may not be good for you. It’s a good balance in here so…be like Mildred but don’t tell her I said so.
Milders: I heard that!
Deb Hawken - Amorah 