My Sanity

What sacrifices have you made in life?

I came here to be love. To share love. To be kind, decent, honourable, and steadfast.

There was a time in my life that I was none of those things, although honour was always at the heart of me, the best of me was obscured by very poor life training. Simply put my family was toxic.

Children have no defence, you learn what you’re shown, and it’s down to you as an adult whether or not you recognise the error of your ways. Thank God and all the angels that I did.

I am absolutely humbled by the help I received to put myself right, and forever grateful. Awful though it was to realise and own that, it was the making of me.

You can’t remain the person who has your problems

We humans tend to think that if we change something external everything will be alright. It rarely works. Different job, same career? There may be some improvements but if the truth is that you don’t like your career, or your working environment, nothing fundamental will change.

If you have emotional or ordinary mental health problems, to distinguish from those who have medical conditions and imbalances that cause their distress, then you need to change who you are. Not try to be better, be different. Be the person who couldn’t think or act like that.

If you’re familiar with the television programme Arrow, they constantly repeat this:

I had to become someone else
I had to become something else

Arrow

In the lead character’s case it wasn’t a positive thing, for me it was. I am someone and something else.

What to do?

Take a long hard look at yourself without judgement. You are a product of your past and you did your best. In most, but not all, cases it is true that your parents, elders, and teachers did their best too.

Let it all go.

Go into your heart and find yourself. Allow no one else to define you. If anyone says you’re something you’re not, stop them. Point out that no one knows you better than you.

I used to have a lovely saying if someone started telling me who and what I was, and it didn’t fit:

I can surprise myself so I’m absolutely certain that you don’t know me well enough to judge.

They speak from their viewpoint and understanding, from their life experience and training, and that has nothing to do with you.

If you notice aspects of your character that do not feel like ‘you’ change them until they do. It’s the responsibility of every adult to undo the past, for the good of their own soul.

It also makes you a better force in this world.

Few people will thank you for it, but your soul will.

Never forget that those who haven’t experienced kindness and decency don’t trust it, but that’s nothing to do with you.

Sanity

It’s okay to make sacrifices for others as long as we’re discerning. Never let a person who will not change drain you.

What it is not okay to do, ever, is to sacrifice your happiness at the feet of the hang ups of others.

If I’d known this, if I’d been taught that I had any value, if my good points had ever been mentioned, I would not have sacrificed 17 years of my life to a hellish relationship and the wrong career.

I would have known I deserved better.

Teach your children well, highlight the positives, and show them how to heal the negatives.

Do the same for yourself, as lovingly and gently as you would for a child.

You deserve love and happiness.

If you want to know who to become –
become your soul

It’s in there, it knows exactly who you truly are, put your hand on your heart and you’ll find it.

Best love as always

Amorah – Deb