What could you do differently?
Yep that old chestnut! But it’s true.
Perspective
I’ve lived my entire life doing a dance around others to protect my sanity. Sorry if that sounds dramatic but it’s true.
My parents wanted to bring up the perfect daughter, so the line I dare not cross was right across the middle of my feet. I was born half a step over it. Insane. A child as something to show off?! Because I could never meet that expectation they had little good to say about me anyway.
My ex was a psychopath so the dance to please him was one to try to stay out of trouble. Again impossible.
His family didn’t like my parents daughter, my parents weren’t impressed by their daughter-in-law, my family revelled in the resulting mess, and my friends wondered where the hell I’d gone.
Then I married a workaholic and learned what loneliness really was. I went from second best to my brother to second best to a career. In fairness my husband was raised in a broken family and didn’t have a family experience to call on.
He’s a good man, but it was still hard, has been for 34 years, but once you get to the top hell breaks loose. It’s not what people think it is.
The lowest paid worker tends to get to go home on time at the end of the working day, a director’s contract says 37 1/2 hours a week or as necessary. It is literally slave Labour with no overtime. The wages sound eye watering, they make an incredible difference to life, but divide the hours into the wages and the story is very different. As long as you married for money that’s okay. I didn’t. Most don’t.
Here endeth the grot
Because you know you may have new readers you have to add background for perspective if you write inspirationally in the arena of personal change. I apologise to those who have read about this before. However, I don’t believe in offering suggestions if you don’t show that you understand. That you’ve experienced the hurt. Inspiration isn’t theory it has to be lived.
Annoyingly.
Back to the chestnuts
“That old chestnut” is a disparaging term in the UK for something people quote regularly. It’s a “give it a rest” kind of saying. Never ignore the humble chestnut.
Chestnuts can be incredibly accurate.
Loving yourself isn’t a panacea you trot out, especially not here, it’s absolutely critical that you do. So:
- Don’t listen to what others say about you. As you learn about yourself you will know where you could do better, if you’re a decent person you will make amends and change. But…
- You cannot let the hang ups of others define you. They lack the perspective of your story, they’re focusing on one aspect of you based on their life. Don’t accept it. So…
- Accept your humanity. You will never be perfect, but as long as you wouldn’t hurt anyone or anything deliberately you’re doing the best that any human can do. That’s enough.
- Love applies to everyone and every living creature. It’s a universal law. “God cries when even a sparrow dies”. You either are love or you’re not. Just remember you. Love is the great protector. Love yourself enough to apply love inwards as well as outwards.
The reason there are so many screwed up people in this world is that they don’t feel love. What you can’t feel you can’t give. What you feel you act on.
Choose love always. It’s a pretty tasty old chestnut!
Best love to us all, including me.
Amorah – Deb
Deb Hawken - Amorah 