Looking for Miss-ter Right
One of the problems with my first book was that it was written in the days before we were more sensitive towards different genders, as such it’s nice to revisit some sections and update them.
Romantic Ups and Downs
We all know about looking for Miss-ter Right, but rarely does anyone ever mention being Miss-ter Right, which is important because true happiness depends on two people working to be the right person for each other.
Diverting from the book for a moment, this sounds blindingly obvious doesn’t it? It is blindingly obvious. Yet how often do we humans go into a relationship determined to be happy, to make the other person happy, and willing to compromise together to make things work. Often the needs of one person can overwhelm the needs of the other, such as extremely demanding jobs, and in the end the relationship becomes a compromise of acceptance of what can be offered.
Much as this makes perfect sense, and is often not a choice for the person in the demanding role, or the stay at home parent trying to juggle children, work, and elderly parents, these things can skew the relationships to breaking point. My theory is that we don’t go into relationships fully mindful of what it can take to be happy. The idea that you’ve met the right person is great, but how quickly can we decide they’re not good enough? Is that because the onus of being right is too huge? Mindfulness and focus on what you’re doing is so important in this context.
Returning to the book
The social-cultural attitude of “I deserve the right person” puts us in the wrong mindset of personal expectation. The spiritual mindset is to contribute equally to the success of the relationship, to expect the best and to expect to deliver the best.
Also right is one of those loaded words that subconsciously suggests perfection. I support the term soulmate because it take away the need to be right, and suggests that we treat each other in a spiritual way: as soul equals despite gender, size of wage packet, or social status.
I know from my parents, my aunt and uncle, and Tony and myself, that people in soulmate relationships will tell you that they try much harder to make things work because of that deeper sense of connection. That sense that this is the right person, humanity and all, warts and all. Please note though that there wasn’t one ounce of violence of cheating with my parents or aunt and uncle, nor is there with us. So far so good as they say.
People aware that they’re truly soulmates will treat you better than anyone you’ve dated previously because of that awareness. Once I found my soulmate I concluded I’d never been in love at all. It’s that different. A deeper sense of connection. So if the person you thought of as your soul mate is treating you badly, you need to reconsider. Once you find that connection poor treatment is unthinkable on both sides.
Two more quick thoughts
When I was about to marry Tony I realised that I didn’t regret one single break-up in my life, it’s lovely to be able to look back with that attitude. So try not to worry too much about the break-ups because they were never meant to be forever.
The ones that got away were never meant to stay
It may also sound noble to remain in a romantic relationship because you’ve committed yourself to the long-term. Here’s a spiritual truth that may help:
When you stay with someone you don’t genuinely love,
you are stealing his or her future.
You are condemning that person to a half-hearted relationship at best, and hostile at worst; when out in their future the right person is waiting for them.
Ending the wrong relationship is not selfish – staying is.
There you go, a few ideas that may lead to a successful relationship, or the freedom to find the right person. Hope it’s helpful.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
Deb Hawken - Amorah 