Don’t worry, this isn’t about cursing, it’s about something far more subtle, more likely to affect your everyday life. The way you talk to yourself, and the way you choose to look at things.
Dramatic language dramatises a situation, toning your language down will make things easier to manage and cope with.
We all have ex’s, and even if they were horrible people, describing them as not very nice will be a far more powerful aid to your recovery, than describing them in language that maybe does reflect who they were.
A few examples to clarify this idea:
- Was the meal at the restaurant awful, or not to your liking?
- Was the TV programme absolute rubbish, yet you finished watching it, or not your style so you turned over?
- Are you horribly overweight, or in need of exercise? **
- Was your ex a total (choose your epithet) or not right for you?
- Is your job destroying your life, or something you need to walk away from?
Selective memory
It’s a fact that we remember the bad times more clearly because they hurt so much, so the more you can tone down the bad times, the easier they will slip from your memory.
This isn’t about denial. At all times you will be fully aware of your feelings and ready to deal with them. What you should avoid is giving a problem stilts and making it taller than it needs to be.
Tone down your language and you tone down your life. Speak about the (difficult) past as infrequently as possible and only in the most general terms; take a real annoyance and downgrade it to a minor irritation. Your language will dictate the impact that your reality has on your feelings.
Obviously this isn’t appropriate when you lose a loved one or pet, or someone you care about is struggling in some way. If you lose you job, and all the worries that come with that. These are difficult situation as you have to be realistic, however, using these techniques to help a little may be well worth it.
An older book
I’ve précised this section because the book was written in the 1990s, and finally finished in 2013. It’s about my journey of change without the focus being on me. You might say that I walked my talk because my youth was emotionally horrible, I didn’t want to focus on that in the book, I wanted to share what I learned during my escape as it were. The language is dated, so I softened it; exactly as I suggest here.
I honestly don’t think I could have written down exactly what happened, even though there was no physical or sexual abuse whatsoever. It would have dragged me back into the past, recreated every single bad memory, and reinforced it in the present as a grotty gift for the future. It’s important that we move past the past, it’s the best revenge as it were. Silent but effective. You see an ex, you look fabulous, you are fabulous, and when they’re rude to you, you just laugh and walk away. If you’ve been going through hell, imagine that! Visualise that! Hopefully this section will help with that.
The book is still worth reading though, because it is clear from the tone that it’s written because you matter, because I never want anyone else to be as unhappy as I was, nor do I want that unhappiness to rule or direct your life. No one deserves that. I wanted to be here for anyone, anywhere, all the time.
It may not be a bestseller, but I know it’s done some good, and that’s something. That matters.
Best love
Amorah – Deb xx
P.S. You might say that I set out to be a loving light long before I was given my spiritual name: Amorah. Amor = love; Rah = the sun = light.
Deb Hawken - Amorah 