This snippet comes from the section ‘Getting ready to change’
The A, B, and C List
This is something I was taught by my counsellor.
Especially when we’re young we tend to be too trusting. We believe what others say, take that on board, sometimes it’s great information, too often it’s the breaking of us. How though do we discern who we can and cannot trust?
Do we land on the side of trusting no one? Do we continue to trust everyone we meet even though we keep getting hurt? Is there a middle ground?
As you learn and grow, in other words age, you will find yourself able to be more discerning, and yet some people spend their lives getting hurt no matter how hard they try. This is where having an A, B, and C, list comes in handy.
- A List: These are people you trust with your life and your deepest secrets. You know that they will never break their word to you and that they genuinely have your best interests at heart. This list has been tried, tested, and found trustworthy.
- B List: People you get on well with, but your gut instinct tells you not to share your innermost thoughts with them. More time is need to clarify where these people fit in your life.
- C List: You have to have these people in your life, but you won’t confide in them. They could come from any area of your life including family. These people have let you down, maybe more than once, and you need to be realistic about them.
Remember that there is no problem in having an enjoyable friendship with someone you don’t fully trust, as long as you never put yourself in the position where you need to trust him or her.
Whilst preparing your list don’t turn it into a judgement-fest. This is about training yourself to be realistic about human beings and their place in your life, and about reacting positively when you’re with them.
Quiet discernment leads to a healthy social and family life because you’re careful about who gets close to you and who knows your inner most secrets.
Further thoughts
There is more to this particular section, but I’m enjoying pulling out bits and pieces that might be useful to you.
I started writing this book in the 1990s, and it took me at least 15 years to feel that it had come together properly. I grew, I changed, and it needed to be reflected in the book. It was more grist to the mill as we Brits say.
There’s always a lot more to any subject, the facts plus the emotions can be a large area to deal with. That’s why I like simple ideas. This one is simple, and it gives you a simple way to train yourself to be more discerning without having to leap into judgement, or hate everyone in principle unless they prove themselves to you.
Those suspicious thoughts help no one, block decent friendships and relationships, and ignore the one principal we can never forget:
Every human has a story and that story made them
Our faults are rarely a deliberate choice, they’re more often a drip feed of pain that shaped us in ways we never wanted to be shaped. Someone might betray you because no one has ever been honest and authentic with them in their lives, so they don’t know how.
When you have a means to protect yourself you can be more relaxed around others.
Best love
Amorah – Deb
I would like to post a link to my book, but for some reason I just can’t do it
(having done it dozens of times before). The link that comes in is absolutely horrible.
However, it’s on Amazon UK and EU. I will sort this out and add a link ASAP.
Deb Hawken - Amorah 