Clarence Returns

Two packets of fish fingers

Six eggs

A loaf of bread

12 cans of beer

What else do I need? I know…alcohol, all of it.

Oh sorry…this is meant to be my blog, not my shopping list for a week, except the alcohol which may not last a week the way I’m feeling.

Never has being a roving reporter been so hard, so confusing, so downright busy.

I stood at Heathrow airport the other day with 3 sets of tickets (the company are paying) wondering which one to choose. I’ve never had that before, what fun, which war zone do I fancy? It’s awful.

Anyway…

Is this even credible

Trump the chaos maker is President again, and changing the contents of Coke (for the better I would say), but world peace or the recipe for Coca Cola, there’s a clear winner here.

The Hero Starmer is now beleaguered, which is the rule if you win a landslide election. First comes the applause, then the undermining, then the fall from grace.

I will say he’s breaking the speed record on the fall from grace though. That’s what you get for targeting the elderly, they’ve seen it all and they ain’t putting up with it.

Plus he’s forgotten that anyone over the age of one is elderly in waiting, so what they get away with now the younger generation will get too, only worse. They will probably be paying to be still alive in 50 years time at this rate.

I’d say that things can only get better, but with politicians involved that seems like a fantasy akin to the reincarnation of Christopher Reeves as Superman. Which would be nice.

What does get better politically over time? Certainly not politicians.

Which war is whose war

This is crazy. We all know that war does not serve any useful purpose except to cost millions and increase graveyards that need looking after.

By what right do we wage war? It’s beyond me. Walk up to any of the warmongers and ask them if it’s okay if you shoot them and they’re bound to say no.

“You sure? Missile then? More spectacular?” They’re going to say no aren’t they, yet they kill others.

In all that’s fair and reasonable I cannot imagine how this ever got past the point of WTF? In their mind.

“Oh Lord! I’ve had an idea to kill others because they’re not me or they have land and minerals I want! What is wrong with me?! I can just buy the minerals, and it’s their land.”

How does that not enter their heads and scare the crap out of them? What exactly are they because they’re not human otherwise they’d be appalled at themselves? I guess they’re ‘leaders’.

We have so many wars breaking out and missiles flying that we’re losing touch with who’s doing what to whom and why.

When the American President starts you know you’ve entered a different dimension and it’s not a good one.

Especially if he invades Canada, or threatens to annexe Alaska, as he did to much amusement.

A NATO member invading a NATO member in the case of Canada? He’s signed up to defend NATO countries so he’s going to have to both invade and defend Canada. Which I guess means he’s going to have to order his troops to shoot themselves before they shoot any Candians.

Greenland must be quietly holding its breath as well, although that’s gone quiet. Perhaps it was a bit chilly there? Him preferring Florida and all. Imagine the sight of many confused American soldiers trudging through the snow trying to work out how they kill the Greenlanders having already shot themselves to defend them from the enemy.

Shouldn’t any fighting force know whether they’re the enemy or the ally?

Obviously it won’t come to that, we hope, especially as he is the Lord of Misrule who may or may not mean a word he says.

There is a rumour that he ordered himself lunch the other day, then sacked the waiter when it arrived because it was fake news and he would never have ordered a peanut sandwich. Mind you a doctor may have been standing beside him with a blood pressure monitor, that or the First Lady with that fixed glare of hers. Either way terrifying.

As I said, that’s just a rumour though.

Then there’s Israel and Russia

Now call me crazy but I think that Putin and Netenayhu are ignoring him. All the peace talks and then more rockets; it doesn’t feel like peace to me.

I’m beginning to think that Netenayhu just likes to visit the Whitehouse for some peace and quiet, a decent meal, and to recommend a failed peacemaker for the Nobel Prize for…not bringing peace?

How can you recommend Trump for a prize that you’re making sure he doesn’t deserve?

It’s ridiculous, and yet it’s happening.

Gaza and Ukraine

No room for levity here. Both are awful. No one seems to be helping. Lots of talk drowned out by the rockets striking.

It appears to me that this is a world paved with good intentions, and it truly is the path to hell for too many innocents.

Time to do something. Way past time actually.

On that note

I will try I to be more regular in keeping you up with my shenanigans to at least bring a little levity where I can. If the politicians will just get off their butts, sort this, and allow us to have fun again.

Useless bunch of…

Yours

Clarence Postlethwaite – furious reporter at large