Negative Emotion

What’s something most people don’t understand?

Firstly let’s identify the difference between a reasonable emotion and a negative one.

Real -v- damaging

If you’re facing something scary, you’ve lost a loved one, friend, or pet, you’ve been made redundant and don’t know how you’re going to manage. These and other life events like them are real issues.

To be stressed, angry, frustrated, hurt, bleak, depressed, tearful, unable to eat, drink, think, is a perfectly natural reaction. You may need help to overcome them, but the reactions in themselves are not to be feared, they are part of the healing process.

They will have an effect on you that you will need to mitigate with exercise, a good diet, plenty of water, a good night’s sleep (seek help if you can’t sleep), and time with family and friends for support. You may also need someone to talk to.

The damaging emotions are when you are just permanently an angry person. When you hold onto the past and keep reviewing the things that hurt you. When you react with emotion and don’t follow up with positive action to remove yourself from the situation.

All this is logical, but then we must consider the subtle.

Stealth attacks

You love your country and everyone else is a bloody foreigner. Your country was once at war with someone and you still hate them, even though those who started the wars are long dead and every innocent everywhere was a victim.

Your football team is absolutely the best and you get really upset, angry, and stressed if someone has the audacity to beat them.

You’re either Labour or Conservative, Right or Left, you hate the other side, and no one can bear those who vote in the middle ground. They always say you should never talk about politics because it creates so much anger. I rest my case.

The stealth attacks are when you upset yourself over something that is either long gone, or not important enough to have a coronary over. Like the wars; especially when you have no time for those who focus on peace and respect for all, those playing your local rivals or a foreign team.

You should hear the England fans tearing our team down again because they’ve got the easy teams in their draw. How incredibly rude is that to other countries? The important thing is that the fans are creating the hormone cortisol in their bodies which is definitely not good for you. Over something that doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as health and happiness.

Throw in the past

Or please don’t. I always remind myself what the author and scientist Gregg Braden said at a conference I went to:

The past is literally nowhere, there is no place to find it, the only place it still exists is inside your head.

This means that you choose to bring back memories that hurt you. It’s important to give that some thought, I certainly did. A lot of thought.

The point though

Is simple. We choose what hurts us, we choose whether or not to act to restore happiness. We choose what we think about and how we think about it.

I had a rocky relationship with my parents, but I can look back now knowing that they truly did their best and were actually incredible people. Please bear in mind there was never a question of abuse in my family.

I don’t want to remember the things that upset me because mum and dad are gone, and we’re on great terms, but also those feelings would only be in one place doing damage – inside me.

I really wish everyone was told that you should manage your thoughts not let them run wild, keep them in the present planning a great future, and let go of everything that is in a past you can’t return to.

Put the past right now. You have that power.

Most importantly, with the exception of those real events:

Every poor thought damages you, every happy thought heals you.

Choose wisely.

Choose lovingly.

Love and more love

Deb xx