One of the aspects I’ve learned from living a soul-centred life and listening to the heart, which is the doorway to the soul, is that I hadn’t put myself into my life.
I’m not talking about being self-centred, I’m talking about being so affected by the outside world you forget to consciously create the inner one. Bit like a litter bin where people are throwing away what they don’t want and you’re collecting it.
Pay attention
One of the tricks to being yourself is to pay attention to how you’re feeling, all the time (unless you’re asleep). Instead of accepting life as it is, people as they are, and horror of horrors – unhappiness and struggle as normal, start questioning everything.
Before you feel that will drive you insane, relax. It’s simply about awareness of your inner truth as affected by your external environment — more of a “hmm…that reaction is interesting…I’ll monitor it and see what it’s telling me.”
Clues
- Can’t get up for work in the morning yet can get up happily at weekends?
- Feeling tense, even sick, when you set out for work.
- Always late for work? You do not like your job.
- Explaining to your family and friends why your partner isn’t a bad person, feeling that you’re constantly defending them.l?
- Of course, the eternal, they didn’t mean to hit me, they were so sorry afterwards, they’ve promised they won’t drink again. That should be a red-flag and a klaxon at once.
You get the point. Awareness of your true feelings. Not explaining them away. Not making excuses. Most importantly, not necessarily telling anyone about them.
That last point is key. We feel under so much pressure to create change, and worry about what other people may think. Do your best in your life, wait to say anything to anyone until you’re sure what you want to say, and with the bigger decisions – such as breaking up a relationship – wait until you’re absolutely certain and feel strong enough not to be talked out of it.
Other causes of your disappearance
- Never taking time to decide how you feel and what you want. You’re too busy running around after others.
- Feeling like a bad person because you’re not happy when other people think you should be. My husband has a very good job, that’s led to a great deal of separation for us, and loneliness on my part. I understand the calls of his career, why he does what he does, and that a lot of people rely on him. I wouldn’t have said this before today, but that understanding hasn’t helped me at all.
- Believing you don’t deserve the best. It may sound harsh but it’s your choice to think those thoughts. You may quite rightly say that other people have made you feel that way, but did anyone ever tell you that you don’t have to be who they say you are? It’s okay to say “I don’t feel that way about me, so thank you for your thoughts but I’m comfortable with who I am. If I need to change I will decide at the right time for me.” Sounds a bit blunt, be blunt with yourself in your thoughts, then work out the softer way to say it. Often what I think isn’t what I say, I work out a better way to say it.
- I could go on, but it comes down to: being too human and not enough soul.
Your soul knows
Exactly who you are. It knows every fault, fear, uncertainty, weakness. It loves you anyway. It knows your strengths, virtues, capabilities, and why you can’t cope. This means that you can be completely honest with yourself, and also reach inside for the right answers rather than becoming confused by the attitudes of the world.
If you choose this subtle shift, be internally honest about your feelings, don’t hide from yourself. There’s no need.
As you develop this ability you will find it easier to be truthful about how you’re feeling with others, in a gentle but firm way.
You will be more relaxed about decisions because you will trust yourself to know what is right, and when to act.
You will protect your right to have feelings, you will own those feelings, and you will feel able to say that you don’t feel as you’re being told to feel, you feel this. Those are not your thoughts, these are you thoughts. You didn’t do (whatever) for their reasons, you did (whatever) for your reasons.
As always, connecting to the soul is very personal. It’s connecting to your own legacy of knowledge, wisdom, and experience. I can share ideas, but it’s up to you to cherry pick and make them work for you.
Or think how nice it is that someone cares, and be happy that this technique is not for you. In my groups everyone develops themselves in their own way, Amos and I just share inspiration and wait to see what happens. As I do myself, I take the wisdom I’m taught from each situation and see what happens.
Look for rainbows not the rain.
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 