Focus

What is something others do that sparks your admiration?

That’s not the exact problem, my issue arises from a difficult life emotionally that basically sent me indoors to hide. Fortunately I find being on my own very easy I’ve had to since I was 7.

Fighting acute anxiety isn’t easy. I didn’t take tablets because I knew it was my life causing the issue, they couldn’t cure that I had to.

Also I knew from my dad that they were addictive, and both he and my uncle suffered severe personality changes as a result of taking them long term.

When my dad knew the tablets he was on were addictive he just stopped taking them. That led to withdrawal symptoms, so he got help and stayed off them. I adored him from that because his issues had just been softened by the drugs, which was no help at all.

My uncle also came off them, he was on them as a result of being mugged three times. He too was a brave man, but a once amazing mind was deeply affected by them. It’s all so sad. Both men had real reasons to be the way they were.

Results of loneliness

It’s never been so bad as it is where I live now. I have decades long friendships behind me from every area I’ve ever lived in, my friends from the South West are actively encouraging us to move back. But I just can’t connect up here.

I can’t find any hobbies I used to enjoy, and what would it matter anyway? You stop and you’re gone. We thought we’d made real friends at Toastmasters, turned out we were just useful and I had the chance to be a winner of competitions. So sad. We genuinely liked them.

I tried to stay in touch, I always do, if I say something I meant it, but…

One of the saddest facts of life is that it’s often your usefulness that makes you popular.

The results of loneliness are loss of focus, loss of purpose, talking to yourself a lot. I’ve done a lot of work on closing down mind chatter.

You freeze when you’re asked to mix with people, if they’re nice to you, you don’t quite trust it.

Frankly lack of caring and connection in our societies, using people as workhorses and underpaying them so that shareholders can make millions, are two main things causing the explosion in mental health issues.

Who cares if the poor starve as long as the rich get richer? Why should those who aren’t inspired, or didn’t go to a good school, be paid enough to buy food?

Because of human rights – that’s why!

Obviously this has morphed away from me, because what I’m struggling with is epidemic. Where I’m lucky is that I can cope, having felt isolated since you were 6 means you develop coping skills, and I’m grateful beyond measure for that.

But others don’t, and I’m beyond sorry about that. So many people feeling desperately lonely because people just can’t be bothered to think about how it might feel to be alone.

Christmas is hell. If you always have too much food and throw it away, why not ask yourself this year who you could have opened your arms to that might have actually had a Christmas to remember if you’d bothered?

Sitting there remembering the Christmases when you had a family is brutal. I don’t think back.

Focus?

Loss of focus arises from loss of point. But example, to seek a book you need people to champion that book, to tell their friends.

Make no mistake about it, my Frister was all over it. So were a few other friends. But you need a wide circle to really make it work. Getting a review is like trying to pull hen’s teeth.

When you realise that you have no connections, few supporters, no one to enjoy experiences with, a lot feels pointless.

However, and this is important…

Although I do struggle at times I am fine. My spiritual beliefs aren’t just strong they’re very real, they’ve proved that to me to my satisfaction. As such I am rather happy, feel strongly supported, and have the best friends. Including the human ones.

My groups-now-friends were right there when Tony was in hospital. Checking on us constantly.

I just wanted to highlight what we humans do when we isolate. When we go back into our houses, shut the door, congratulate ourselves on being able to be alone with our little family. Sod the rest the world.

We create depression, feelings of worthlessness, pointlessness, and reasons not to want to live anymore.

It’s genuinely that serious.

If ever there is an apocalypse the lack of genuine connection would work against us in any number of ways. Working together would be the only way through it.

Sunshine to think about all round.

Sorry to be a bit of a downer today, but this stuff is too real. 💖

Deb xx