Choices Choices

Describe a family member.

I had one family member who was always, unfailingly, on my side, who thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, his name was Geris and he was a cat. His sister Marby was equally loving and amazing, and equally loved, but a bit of a daddy’s girl. Geris made me feel worthwhile for the first time in my life.

In common with many humans I find loving animals easier. You have to be authentic, it has to be real, especially with a cat as they will walk. Dogs are a test of who we are and that loyalty should never cause them pain.

The way we treat animals is only ever a reflection of our decency and capacity to love.

Nan

When it comes to actual people, it’s always going to be my Nan.

We didn’t have an easy relationship at times, but that was due to depression on her part, something it took me a few years of wisdom to understand. The day I was old enough for the ‘stories’ about her to click into place as truth still feels raw.

When I understood that the story of her losing three boys meant that in the 1930’s two of those boys were far enough along for them to know they were boys, my heart broke for her. Grandad was long gone by the time I understood.

Uncle Vic was the worst though, he died needlessly of an easily curable illness, because some idiot world leader thought war was a good idea. One man – millions upon millions dead.

Now we’ve got three or four of them for whom innocents could pay the price of their parents wanting a sweet baby.

Nan gratitude

She was, however, the biggest positive in my life. My father suffered terribly from acute anxiety, again with good reason. It took the form of medical anxiety. It’s my suspicion that dad and I had something in common, medical empathy.

One way to tell that you have it is if you suddenly start worrying about an illness out of the blue, then someone you know tells you that they or someone close to them have whatever it is. At which point it just fades. Empaths feel how others are feeling but think it’s them until they understand.

Nothing I say next is advice

Be VERY clear on that

Nan was the rebel to end all rebels. She did not believe in illness, even though she knew people that died of it. For herself, personally, it simply wasn’t part of her reality. She didn’t die of an illness.

I don’t know why she was like that, mum was too, fortunately so am I. Mum ultimately died of old age too. She stopped eating.

My great good fortune was that although I picked up on dad, I had that strong balance of Nan and mum to help me maintain balance.

I still use my Nan to create balance, and I’m very grateful to have those two strong and remarkable women in my ancestral line.

There was one other way my nan was remarkable. Her understanding.

I had a horrible time with my family, one side was extremely screwed up, it took my middle aunt to point that out. It hurt everyone over time. My ex knew exactly how to manipulate that and caused havoc.

Were he reading this I’d be happy to tell him how grateful I am. That’s how I was able to free myself to become the person I wanted to be.

If someone hurts you, find a way to use it positively, if only to say that you could never have done that, so you’ve realised you’re actually a rather nice person, and that’s a good thing.

Nan got caught up in that family mess as I couldn’t see her without risking seeing my family, she understood. She never held it against me. Probably because I was straight with her. I explained. I told her how sorry I was that I couldn’t cope with seeing them.

The last time I saw her it was clear that nothing had affected us, and she warned me that she knew it was her time. I felt so blessed.

Mum and I came to a good place too.

Always speak your truth courteously.

Impact not details

I haven’t described Nan and Mum in detail as they were too complex. Suffice it to say I’m grateful my Nan and grandad, mum and dad did want a sweet little challenge, and that they were all in my ancestral line.

They all gifted me something worth having.

From Dad the confidence and inclusiveness. Mum used to say that we could both happily hold conversations with Jesus and the Devil at the same time and come out of it on good terms with both. He’s part of why I am a public speaker.

From my Nan the right kind of stubbornness to live and survive on my own terms. The same respect for the needs of others to live their life their way.

From my mum a grounded yet deep wisdom that I have built on. So remarkable was her way of looking at life that her words have often been attributed to my Spirit Guide, Amos.

“Oh that must have been Amos!”

“No that was my mum!”

Such a gentle and accurate wisdom. Here’s one that I thought was the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, when I was ten:

“Ask for nothing, just be grateful for everything you have.”

I thought everyone should ask for the moon, but the Law Of Attraction is based on good feelings attracting good outcomes in life. What’s the basic bottom line…gratitude. Gratitude is the manifesting emotion.

I am now so grateful for everything I have. She somehow knew.

As to the cats. I’ve learned that I can love unconditionally with no thought of reward. Even to the point of breaking ourselves to do what’s right for them. What a tremendous gift of laughter, joy, and happiness they have been.

I can be me around them and give all the love I have left over, which is immense, to them. After the heartbreak of losing them wears off, those memories still make me smile. They’ve shown me my capacity for love, and that is the greatest gift.

Gifts number 13 and 14 arrive on Thursday. In 11/11/24 I will have had this blessing for 40 years. Boy do I have so much to be grateful for, especially the two who started it all, the foundation on which they all get spoiled rotten.

Deb xx