All My Life

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

I came into this world on a specific vibration, and before I go any further, I’m not alone. I know many, many, people like me. You may be one of them, whether you know it or not.

What can sound special is quite normal when it’s just how you are, besides there is no explaining it. I was legendary as a child for being different.

In some ways I was very like my family, and for a few years that’s something I’m extremely upset about. Yet I learned more about who I wanted to be in those years than I could have any other way. I learned the change I needed to be. To embody. To live and do. I learned what I could not be.

Not a few noble sounding words, what I knew I needed to be had to be backed up by who I am. Not even just words or actions. Both.

Say it – mean it – do it – be it

That was my guideline and still is.

I’m not going any further into my past and what my family were, they were exactly as I used to be, but I have one thing none of them did. I’m not stubborn. I don’t have to be right. I’ve taken on the human description fully in its true meaning.

Not as a get out clause, exactly the opposite. Being human is a responsibility that needs careful management if you want to do it well. I give it everything I’ve got.

We’re atoms, same as the awful atomic bombs, in our own way we have exactly the same destructive capabilities. In a set of words we can drive another to suicide. Bullying at school, in the work place can ruin a person’s sense of self to the point that they’re so diminished there is no self left. We can feel clever for doing this.

Don’t ask me how. I can’t imagine. This is what nearly destroyed me, especially in my first marriage.

So I changed.

Soul forward living

What saved me was being introduced to someone who thought in a way I’d never experienced. Someone who questioned what they said, what they did, and why. It made me stand back and look at my life. It wasn’t a picture I wanted to ever see again.

Sounds ever so special doesn’t it. Like you can waft around being glorious, letting people touch your robes as you pass, dispensing benedictions? It’s precisely not any of that.

It’s full on total responsibility for who you are, every step of the way, no excuses. Nowhere to hide. You are truly, genuinely, in honesty, trying to be a force for good or you’re not. One small mistake now hurts me twice as badly as my entire past put together. And yet…

It’s not dramatic, I don’t hate myself, we have a stern talk me and my soul, and I put it right. It also doesn’t happen often. Before you think I’m awesome or it’s easy, this is 40 years of study and practice speaking. If I weren’t getting somewhere by now there would be no hope.

There is hope. Unless you mention the violence in this world, then it takes everything I’ve got plus celestial help to keep me steady.

Not difficult

Soul forward living is easy providing you think of your soul as something that comes from where your God lives, or as something that comes from a place where every living thing is all one. I personally feel strongly that both are true.

Atoms are the building block of the universe. Fact. Atoms are what animate everything. Atoms cannot be destroyed. So the energy that is you, a tree, a flower, a fish, bird, elephant, a puppy, kitten, snake, mouse, fly, remains in the universe eternally, only organic matter doesn’t. Or maybe it feeds the Earth, or bugs.

There’s true equality right there. One big mass of one thing. But within that thing some truly beautiful minds are stored. Maybe that’s what we call our Gods, those minds. Or maybe it is one mind.

One that’s energy has been here the longest, seen the most, learned beyond endurance, and come out of it all beautiful in its power, as a great example to us all.

If you think of your soul as part of something better than the human race, amongst which there is so much good, but still as part of something with a responsibility to be no better than anyone else, no wiser, no more special, just a force for good. Then it becomes easy. Your way becomes clear. Your actions are defined by that belief. You know what you need to be.

Kind with the strength to do no harm

Even to a fly. They’re caught in jars and carried out of our house. They have a role and it’s important. Not a pretty one, but within the eco system they matter.

Different

So here I am, not wafting, not always happy with myself, not telling myself off or disliking myself. Just noting and adapting to the best of my very human ability.

Knowing that I’ve found an unusual way of life that works for me.

The really hard thing about it is that this way eradicates all violence, every single tiny particle. It does not include one harsh word. It can’t survive with either of those things. It’s an easy path to walk. No complexity. Just choosing a way that doesn’t include weapons of mass destruction, guns, or zombie knives. Etcetera in a thousand harmful ways.

These things do not compute.

It’s hard to know how small the shift needs to be for the children of Ukraine, Gaza, the Lebanon, and the many other areas where children are not safe in some way, including innocent Israeli children, to survive and live happy lives. For animals not to be abused.

That ability to shift is within every single human, it’s our true nature.

If only we could remember that:

Live long and prosper – in peace.

I’m not different at all. I’ve just been made to be different by those who aren’t.

Deb xx