I Have No Idea

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

I’ve received so much good advice in my life, but nothing stands out.

The one that comes to mind first is: trying is lying, do or don’t do. That from my friend and mentor Keith.

I can’t remember where I got “you are your life” from, it may be a thought I had, or a Guide. No one else is your life, if you choose to make decisions based on the words and actions of others, allowing them to demoralise you, destroy your sense of self, then you are making a choice.

The instant someone becomes a negative force in your life, that’s strike one. Try to talk it through, see if real change takes place.

An apology is not change – action is change

If there is no active change and the thing happens again, be stronger and more determined. The third time, you’re done.

This sounds very tough, but we’re not talking eating your last square of chocolate here, although a heinous crime it’s bearable, you just steal their entire bar next time they buy one. We’re obviously talking things that hurt you physically or mentally. You can’t live a great life with a damaged mind.

You were not born to be hurt – FACT

If someone doesn’t listen once, they’re human, if they don’t listen the second time, they’re a bit too human, the third time they’re showing you that they don’t belong in your life.

Physical abuse is a one strike and you’re out

There is no excuse for violence and certainly no apology sufficient for it. It’s a zero tolerance situation. “Sorry I’d been drinking and didn’t mean it” is a disgusting apology. The only way that becomes an apology is if they go for immediate help and stop drinking.

My dad got drunk when I was two and failed to pick me up from nursery. He didn’t drink again until I was in my 20s. That’s an apology. He also rarely if ever drank to excess after that, I would say three times maximum.

Having a damaged childhood is not an excuse to hurt others, it’s a reason to get help yourself.

Words such as:

“It’s your fault you wound me up…”

Are the words of a gaslighting bully. Making you take the blame for their behaviour.

You get the message. So:

• You are your life
• You make all the decisions and choices
• Not making a decision or choice is a choice
• Your life will be a result of what you do or don’t do

It is that simple. Other people are responsible for their own words and actions, not you.

You’re only responsible for staying or going. Love yourself enough to leave.

• No person
• No job
• No amount of money

Are worth a moment’s unhappiness. Happiness is possible, if you make the right decisions for you.

20/20 hindsight would only be useful if you had it beforehand. You’re welcome to make use of my hindsight. Please do. You are precious beyond belief. Fact.

With love 💖

Deb xx