That makes me feel so Journalist-y. Me on the world stage. Actually watching the world stage from the back. But even so!
Gotta start with football. Where did that dynamic, energised team come from last night? Southgate has to have refined his game plan. Thoroughly good match. They would have actually scored three goals were it not for the purse rule.
The purse rule being a masculine attempt to explain the offside rule to women, without using a football, a goalie, a or a goal.
The offside rule states that an attacker is offside if, when the ball is kicked to him by a team mate, there aren’t two defenders between him and the goal. The goalie being one. Once ball leaves toe and is moving the receiver can nip in front of one or both defenders.
Imagine kicking a ball to your mate and realising you’ve forgotten to stop and count the defenders? Or your mate takes a step!
“Everyone stand still now! One…erm…hey opposing player could you just squitch forward a couple of steps? Brilliant, just stay exactly there, you look lovely by the way.”
And kick! “Thanks for the help there.”
“No worries, congrats on the goal, pleased to have been of assistance!”
“Bless you, let us know if we can return the favour.”
Failing that “If you don’t count the defenders and still keep moving forward one more time Ruben I’m going to nail your b*lls to the pitch.”
“If you nail the ball to the pitch I won’t be able to score will I Kevin? That’s just silly!”
“You wouldn’t score if you heard me right either! But I don’t really care you fidgety muffin.”
“Muffins don’t fidget Kevin. I honestly don’t know what he’s been taking?!”
The purse thing is cruel because it’s spectacularly unclear, and the goalie isn’t even mentioned or offered a pair of shoes!
My wife might be divorcing me, but I still respect her too much to try that. Especially as divorcing me doesn’t make her the stupid one in this relationship.
NATO
I’m actually following the PM on his first overseas visit. Already they’ve upset Putin by saying they’ll give Ukraine more support to blow up Russian weapons of war, to stop him blowing up Children’s hospitals. Of course Russian troops will be caught in the crossfire which is always sad, but just stopping blowing other countries to smithereens will solve all that. An escalation is killing children.
The PM is quietly strong, I agree with Sunak, he’s coming across as a good man. What a job though? At least he didn’t have to buy the country and then find out the state of it, as would happen in business. That’s something I guess.
“I’ll give you a tea bag and a pair of pre-worn shoes and that’s still daylight robbery!”
Now Starmer has to save everything with nothing. You might call that Conservative revenge, if only it were the least bit amusing, or their fault. Much of the West is affected in the same way to the UK.
Battle of the Seniors
Biden is certainly a fighter, it seems he’s going to need to be if Hollywood actors with no political experience are telling him to jump ship. If you’re going to advise a President at least get your hands dirty as he’s prepared to.
He certainly speaks well when he’s awake. Bit of a pity no one thought to set up a younger person to step in at the end of this term of office, rather than find Donald back in the frame and have no credible Democrat to take him on at short notice.
Kamala Harris would be excellent. As would Hillary before her. But the leaders of the free world and a female president? Are they ready? Or just leading the way from behind?
Who knows. They’re a charming mix of inexplicability. I genuinely love the Americans, well the many nice ones. A friend is on a tour over there and has met some exceptional people. The help and support are off the scales.
Whomever wins the election it will definitely be a case of care of the elderly.
Until tomorrow. Hope something interesting happens. All this doing your job properly won’t pay the bills.
Clarence (on the case)
Deb Hawken - Amorah 