Hello again
I think I’m in Poland. I can’t be certain. It seems that we did go to an airport, caught a flight to Paris and it got diverted to Poland. Or as far as we can recall having put our several drunken heads together and made what sense we can of a alcohol fuelled blur.
You may wonder how we managed it. Most press people have a go bag ready for any crisis event, complete with passport, toiletries, and a change of clothes. As far as we can recall we decided that escaping the UK at the moment constituted an emergency and picked the first plane we saw. Apparently we also don’t appear drunk and that’s why they let us on the plane. The only disruption we caused was the snoring.
I’m sure we were in Clacton at some point though as we’d been discussing the Farage and it’s now his seat.
However, we have managed to watch all the shenanigans on our phones. MPs being nice to each other at last, too little too late guys. Predicted outcome. Horror of Reform. Lib Dems did better than expected. Removal vans. Visits to King. People coming and going. But the best news of all? The power in Downing Street remains unchanged. Larry the Cat is still in charge.
We’re waiting for a flight now. I have informed my wife that I’m in Poland having received a false tip about something that actually wasn’t happening, no doubt set up by my buddies. She said “Try again, you sent me a photograph of you all last night naked and ready for bed with a note about having forgotten to pack your jammies. I will never be able to unsee it and never forgive you.”
I’m in real trouble this time. As result it’s not a flight home as the other partners are displaying a remarkable level of agreement with my wife, so we’re going to Paris to cover the England Game. Yes I’m aware that it’s in Dusseldorf but we can watch it on TV, then we can get a ferry back to the UK and drive up to Clacton to try to find the Farage. I’m assuming the megawatt grin at finally making it into Parliament will be a good indicator of where he is.
We have heard that the shops around Parliament have sold out of ear plugs, but that’s only a rumour and we’ve yet to confirm. It makes sense though, we’ve dodged that bullet for a long time.
I have noticed a lot of posts on Facebook about America celebrating the day they no longer had a king. I’m not sure if it’s a tongue in cheek comment about a certain bewigged candidate (it has to be a wig doesn’t it?), or whether they mean it. If they do mean it then give me our King anytime. Respectful. Cares about his people. Philanthropist extraordinaire. Builder of fully inclusive towns. Eco warrior. Environmental defender. Reviver of traditional crafts. Job creator. Heritage saver. He’d make a great Prime Minister because, like his mother before him, if anyone knows how to care about his people it’s that man.
So thank you very much America, we will keep our King, because the idea of someone like Johnson, or Farage as the face of the United Kingdom fills most of us with horror.
Yours Clarence
P.S. Wish me luck when I get home, I think the shed will probably be considered too good for me, and my wife will have burned it to the ground and thrown a blanket over a tree limb for the cold nights. Then prayed for rain!
Larry the cat, 11th Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office.
Deb Hawken - Amorah 