Do you know what I like about Sir Ed Davey? He’s not running project fear. He’s doing crazy stunts to get himself on the evening news every night, raising their profile as well as important issues facing the public.
On the other hand, the Conservative party launched yesterday some of the most vile project fear posters I have ever seen. Not only did they insult labour, they bought in other world leaders with whom there are tensions, and that was a very wrong thing to do. It was disrespectful in a way that will not help the current world situation.
I’ve had to put my legendary sense of humour to one side to be appalled.
Not only that, they criticise Sir Keir Starmer for wanting to spend time with his children. Whether that will work when the reality of the job takes hold is one thing, but the fact that as a father he wanted to do that that is to be respected.
There must be a laugh here…surely?
I did smile at the news item showing Teresa May talking to someone’s door cam. Do wonder what it would be like to get to get a notification only to find Theresa May’s face front and centre on your door cam?
If you’re a fan, it will probably be quite a good thing. If, however, you are not a fan please don’t take an expensive doorbell rip it off the wall with your bare hands, jump up and down on it and then spread the pieces to the four winds. The recordings are only kept for a month back at wherever they’re cunningly hidden. So you’ll only lose sleep for 30 nights knowing that face is smiling at you from your door cam.
In truth she seems quite a nice lady. Certainly she loves her country. She’s the first PM to cry over us which was nice.
In other news
Mrs Postlethwaite is now talking to me again. my vasectomised son is not, my grandson is overtly chastened, but covertly delighted because all his friends at school think he’s, and I quote, the man.
I spent last night trying to track down the Izzard. For those who don’t know the great comedian and actor Eddie Izzard was hoping to stand for a labour seat in Brighton, but sadly he wasn’t chosen as the candidate.
To me, this is the greatest injustice in British political history. Not so much that he would’ve been a brilliant MP that we will never know, but that at least Parliamentary debates would’ve been amazing and amusing in equal measure. Imagine, just for a minute, having a personality in Parliament.
Think of it, someone with the wit to make an insult clever and interesting rather than just nasty. It would make your day to be corrected by him. MP’s would do anything to be on the receiving end!
“How was your day dear?”
“Brilliant! Eddie Izzard told me that my policies are slightly more boring than my tie which is very boring.”
“That doesn’t sound nice at all dear?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve never got so much attention, although people are jealous he singled me out, but other people are trying to find out how I managed it! I’m quite the man of the moment!”
“Even so, and by the way I bought you that tie dear…”
“I know darling but don’t worry, I’m having lunch with Eddie tomorrow and he’s going to sort me out some new ties and shirts. I’m lunching with Eddie! He’s also going to explain economics to me…”
“That will be helpful you being the Chancellor and all. He’s very knowledgeable I hear.”
“He’s like really clever…and what’s more I’m not going to be boring anymore! He’s going to help me be interesting.”
“I’ve always liked him.”
Or
“Order, order…”
“I’ll have four portions of fries with chips on the side please Mr Speaker, and the attention of this house for half a minute to actually listen to some of the concerns of the people who gave them this job!”
“Half a minute is rather short Mr Izzard?”
“It has to be, it says in the new MP’s manual, ‘give the other side three sentences and start jeering. The content of their speech is unimportant even if it is both important and right, all that matters is shutting them up!’”
“You’ve read the manual?”
(Background muttering along the lines of “Manual?”)
“I’ve also read all the graffiti in the rest rooms, and improved the wording and grammar. Starmer and apricot don’t rhyme, banana was better, and Sunak is Bluetac wasn’t funny. Nor was the twenty line explanation below it.”
“I’m disappointed to hear this”.”
“Don’t worry, it’s funny now. Where are my chips?”
It would have been wonderful and this column would have been brilliant with all that intellect and actual caring to hand. Instead he’s playing Hamlet in London and on Broadway. If only I earned enough for a train ticket…let alone a flight. I hide in the luggage compartments of the battle buses. Some of the drivers are nice and put an inflatable mattress down for me.
The MPs think I’m magic as I just appear out of nowhere! It’s quite fun unless they take a bend too fast then all the suitcases heading my way are a nightmare.
More coming when they do something interesting…pure fantasy if they don’t.
Clarence
Deb Hawken - Amorah 