Swings and Roundabouts

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I know I’m very kind I’m not bigging myself up. With very few exceptions the people in my life haven’t been a positive force and I’ve asked myself to put up with far too much.

It’s not that people are bad, but at least 6 really were. Not abuse, a lot was very poor guidance for a young child, a deep hurt that poisoned them and everything around them. But three were pure poison.

All this led to me deciding to become someone I could look at in a mirror and respect. I worked with a mentor, then later spirit, and took every piece of advice and help I could get, and rebuilt me from the feet up.

Pure self-admiration?

Not so much. There is a lot I could have done better.

I feel that with the exception of the cats I would live my life entirely differently if I could go back. But that would mean a very different family for a start. Preferably them but not hurt, filled with optimism, on a happier path. Their not hurt sides were lovely.

I became my hardest task master in order to sort myself out. There were many conversations along the lines of:

Well that was brilliant was it NOT Debra!

I’m very sorry Debra!

So you should be. Now learn from this and don’t do it again!

(Three months later)

WHAT DID I SAY!!!!!!

Sorry 😔

And that helps exactly how?!

Changing normal

It was hard at times to constantly remember not to be ‘normal’ for a while. But it worked, even though kindness is a double edged sword, but the way I look at it, those who abuse it have done themselves no good, and I’ve learned more and become stronger.

Kindness takes immense strength. Spiritual thinking helps with that.

One of my biggest challenges was working alone, I’m a real team player, I thrive in a good team. When I started my spiritual work Amos, my Guide, told me over and over and over again to work alone. I did not listen. I should have listened. I was betrayed over and over again.

Be careful with compassion

Certain people lied to me with both words and actions. I could see them doing it, but I allowed it because it was doing no real harm as I was aware of it. Then it did.

In recent times two people lied to me about something utterly unimportant. A game. They said their improvements were magical. Then slipped up and told me that they were playing with vastly more experienced players.

There I am thinking I’m so stupid because they can improve playing with me twice a week and I can’t.

When they did what people always do, slipped up and told me then back-peddled fast enough to instantly look ten years younger, I accepted their humanity.

It wasn’t a serious lie I told myself. We’re all human. They meant no harm even though they did harm. But after a few months I realised that it had done harm. So I don’t play badminton anymore. Give me new information and everyone I think it will help will have it within days.

But then I don’t need to be better than anyone else to feel good about who I am.

This is the danger when you try to grow as a person and have true compassion. Don’t take it so far that you become the one hurting yourself.

I do really like those people, but being with them now hurts me.

Trust, respect, and gentle honesty are key in any relationship.

As usual, use me as a terrible warning, be a kind person and expect the same. We all deserve that.

Marvellous Monday

Deb xx

P.S. None of this stuff bothers me anymore, but trying to help others avoid it has turned my past into something far more positive. A tough-but-good school! 🤣🤣🤣