Good Sunday Morning, Clarence here.
I’m quite recovered from yesterday, I don’t think anyone could try to fit politics and D-Day into the same head and come out sane.
I rested up with a Jackie Chan film about him and a horse, called Ride On. It had subtitles but I thought I might understand Chinese better than political speak. I did.
The film was so funny, boy that horse could act, I also landed up in tears which were quite cleansing. Crying over a fictional horse was also much more worthwhile. The horse of course was simply a great actor, and the ending was happy. Never seen Chan act at that level. Surprisingly awesome.
So I’m brighter, more positive, and ready to take on the politicos with my usual humour.
Today I’ve anonymously emailed both Keir Starmer and Rishi Sunak and told them that the other one is dropping mortgage rates, cutting tax by 10% across the board, quadruple locking the state pension, and has found a secret way to create thousands of homes on brown field sites via a simple change in the law.
I quoted a ‘reliable source’. My sources tell me that they’ve both been up all night calling every MP demanding to know who told these lies, tapping up their tame press contacts, and asking their advisers how the hell exactly they’re supposed to do this.
If your MP isn’t available for screaming at on Monday, found asleep on their feet on your doorstep, or talks absolute garbage on tv interviews, you’ll know who’s responsible.
Of course it may be hard to tell, as they’re generally otherwise occupied being completely clear, often asleep at the wheel, and garbage is their natural language. But I’ve tried.
The only way to quieten them is to frighten them. Nothing like a wild goose chase to give us some peace.
You’re welcome
Clarence
P.S. I’ve just had two messages saying “We may never be able to prove it, but we know it was you Postlethwaite, you are now restricted from coming any closer than 500 yards!” Oddly they both said exactly the same thing!
P.P.S. Firstly, I wouldn’t go within 500 yards of any of them. Secondly, the trees I watch from are in full leaf so they won’t know. Lastly, Clarence Postlethwaite is only my alter ego, I’ve stood right next to them and not one of them knew it was me! I am in fact a woman! I’m miles ahead of them! They would have to get up very early in the morning a decade ago to catch me late at night. To paraphrase a very confusing English saying.
Deb Hawken - Amorah 