Don’t Watch It!

Clarence here, at your service.

I had a frenetic day yesterday. I slept overnight in a tree outside Sir Keir Starmer’s house, nothing interesting happened.

Then I went to France for the D-Day celebrations. No jokes here, just complete, awe inspiring, respect. Those people are still heroes now. How did they live with that in their minds minds all those years?! Where on God’s good earth did they find the courage?

However, the UK pocket rocket made yet another fatal calculation in his quest to be taken seriously.

For those who don’t know, our Prime Minister attended the memorial service, then flew straight back to the UK for a television interview. I honestly wonder whether, if you gave him a gun, he would literally shoot himself in the foot.

I’m not quite curious enough to try it though. Nor would I have a clue where to get a gun.

Please note, I do not want to receive any guns in the mail along with requests for videos. Not only am I strongly morally opposed to all violence, I would be in the firing line and he’d no doubt miss his foot and hit me. Which isn’t completely indoor as I do give him a hard time.

Sir Keir played that exactly right. His heart was in the right place.

Dear Lord I’m in great danger of almost respecting a politician, is there no end to their terrible effect on our lives?

Anyway. Don’t watch tonight unless you’re feeling super strong. If you’re intending to watch, lock away all objects that can be thrown at the tv and hide the key from yourself. People of a certain age will understand that joke.

In the meantime I will continue trying to make sense at this challenging time, when many are arguing about whose party is the best and why only morons don’t understand that.

Truly sensible people remain above politics and know they’re all only saying what you want to hear, and they will still have to work with reality when they get in.

Promises and money are two different things.

I think that must be the best thing about being King. He has to remain unsullied.

Yours Clarence

Uninspired, rather tired, and mind numbingly bored with the lot of them.

P.S. If we all refused to vote would they go away? If so, don’t watch and don’t vote! It’s time to save ourselves.

P.P.S. Yes I know it’s only a dream, but you’re allowed to dream. I can go back to covering dog shows rather than dog’s breakfasts.

P.P.S. I love dogs and I’m not suggesting that your pooch is a messy eater. I’m sure that Tarquin Poodle Pants of Fenbrokeshire could teach the King a thing or two about table manners. Please don’t sue me.