Honesty

What quality do you value most in a friend?

I value that in anyone I meet, but in friendship it’s critical. I find it very hard to come back from a lie.

The human rule

We are all human. Fact.

We will make mistakes. Fact.

We will have moments when we snap. Fact.

We all share those tendencies.

This is all completely obvious.

As such there is no need to lie, to pretend we’re perfect, to feel bad for honest mistakes or lack of thoughtfulness. There is a need to apologise and mean it though.

Yet humans will slip up then spend hours trying to work out why someone else made them do it, why it’s not their fault.

We must all remember that we are seen. You can’t hide from what other people see.

Building a more honest future

In my groups we have one inviolable rule – acceptance of humanity. It’s never broken. I’m in awe of them.

I am hopeless at getting anywhere on time, I’m a daydreamer. So is my husband. As such I never expect anyone else to arrive on time. I also remember that our foibles may be different but the effects are the same.

Oddly if it’s important to someone else, like getting my Frister to her wedding on time, we will both focus as never before!

However…

My lateness might be your inefficiency. It’s all equal if it’s not violence, hate speak, talking behind other people’s backs, failing to keep your word.

In other words, simple human foibles are just human. Deliberate nastiness of any kind is evil. We all know the difference.

If we are all honest about our humanity, if we choose to recognise the difference between deliberate intent and a bad moment. If we give more leeway when someone is suffering. If we ask why someone is short tempered rather than yelling at them. We can and will build a better future. A better now.

If you’ve slipped up, front it up, apologise and mean it. If someone can’t forgive you, that’s their problem.

And never forget that speaking your mind doesn’t have to be a verbal hammer blow.

Again this is all obvious, but human hurt, bad training to be an adult, difficult pasts, they all did their damage. Especially to the confidence to be wrong.

It’s just important sometimes to reflect on the simplicity of the obvious add how true it is.

Learn to forgive yourself and you’ll find forgiveness easier.

And no, if ever I do something truly unworthy of me I can’t forgive myself, but I learn from it and that helps me to heal. I find the inability to forget to be a useful reminder.

Best retraining ever!

One of my cousins once said that they spoke their mind and everyone else could either like it or put up with it.

My mother…

“Have you ever considered that what you think may not be right?”

Silence!

It was a very good, but less embarrassing, lesson for me. I’ve been careful about what I think ever since.

Thanks mum.

Happy Thursday everyone

Deb xx