I don’t work

How do you balance work and home life?

I haven’t had a classic day job for 14 years, but I never placed work above home anyway.

When I see the demands of my husband’s corporate life, a contract that says ‘35 hours a week, or as necessary‘, I have never and would never do that. There is no overtime.

I once sat and worked out his hourly rate, which was £35 at the time, by the hours that he worked. He was on £5 a.m. hour less than me. On my meagre wage I earned £11 for every hour I worked, he earned £6.

He was turning in around 60 hours a week at work, minimum, plus 2 hours travelling a day. Plus sometimes catching up at night or weekends.

He has never had an actual life outside work. The demands are just too high. Look after your staff, solve problems all day, meet with other bosses to plan etc.,, start doing your own work at about four or five pm.

Yes we’re financially fortunate and I am so grateful for that, but it’s been at the expense of quality time, holidays, fun.

He’s also not a selfish person, when you get into the top roles you fail and the company fails. As he would tell you, the company is its staff, their partners, their children, their elderly dependents. He once said he didn’t work for 100 people he worked for at least 500, if you calculated only two children per worker, and didn’t include pets.

Note the emphasis on for, in his mind he works for them, me, and the cats. All decent senior management are the same.

It’s very hard to get cross about under those circumstances, he’s very easy to worry about, and I would not ever do what he’s done.

My success would have had to be as a writer, working from home. However, I’m a born mother.

I couldn’t have children, which is okay as I fortunately never wanted them. Oddly, when we thought one was coming along that was wonderful, and sad when as predicted (endometriosis) it didn’t work out. Sadder than we expected, which gives me great compassion for those who lose a much wanted child. I cannot imagine.

As such, I as a cat mother would never have prioritised time at work over time with the cats. Whenever we lose one I’m comforted by the many hours I’ve spent with them that my hubby hasn’t. Although the endings have been tough, I’ve been able to be present for them, and that’s a bigger comfort.

My life has always been about those I love. without question. Hubby, Frister, my hero, friends. It’s been wonderful.

A brilliant career as a writer would have been nice, but never at the expense of time with those you love. I have treasured an absolute imbalance of loved ones over work. I am eternally grateful that I was and am able to do that.

In my first marriage I wasn’t as well off, but we were both in roles where you were always replaced at the end of your shift by someone else. So we were decently paid and had plenty of home time.

That’s the ultimate. De-prioritise stuff, live simply, enjoy the people and pets that are irreplaceable. Have fun together.

We have too much stuff now. But I’m releasing it all the time, it was never the right way to live.

Happy weekend

Deb xx