Isn’t heard.
Something my first Guide Eduoard taught me nearly 30 years ago. Spirit have a way of saying something that’s so simple it seems obvious, “well I knew that!” Yet when you learn to stop and think it has a wealth of deeper meaning,
For example
How many people believe in world peace and don’t speak up? Possibly because people will call you versions of stupid? What’s stupid about wanting every living being to live safely in peace? Nothing.
How many people see truly terrible things happening at work and say nothing? If you’re scared to be a whistle blower, get evidence, call the police. Jimmy Savile’s crimes were well known even in the medical profession, and nobody spoke up until he was dead – because he raised money for charity.
For those who may not have heard of him, he was a much loved tv presenter who turned out to be a disgusting paedophile, abusing helpless children in their hospital beds. His family destroyed his gravestone when the truth came out. They said he had no right to be remembered amongst decent people. Covered up by our BBC again!
That’s the top level of not speaking up, and not appropriate to all circumstances, situations, and areas of the world. I recognise that.
The less obvious is the personal level. Not just speaking up to a romantic partner and if they don’t hear you the third time then moving on, but communicating in general.
Life isn’t lived in your head
Your thoughts emerge as words, actions, and inactions. What you say or don’t, what you do or don’t. They affect not just your life but every life you touch.
By barging past the person on the train as you just have to get off first as you’re a bit late. The person who has chronic arthritis and you just sent shafts of agony throughout their body.
The person who’s been barged past in one way or another too many times and just doesn’t want to live anymore. That may be the final straw. It’s that simple.
By not saying what you really mean yet acting out the message. “I do want to be with you, okay I’ve been having an affair for two years, but it’s too much trouble to create havoc by leaving, so if you’d just shut up and believe me that would be great thanks.”
“The dress looks lovely on you sweetie. Just pretend we’re not with her…Did you see those people laughing at her? So funny. I wonder what possessed her to buy it?” Because you lied.
We cause hurt day in, day out, by not being authentic and forgetting that actions speak louder than words. You cannot hide your thoughts.
We justify too much “I’m the boss and it’s my job to push the team and get the best out of them.” Subtext, I might get a promotion.
We live in our heads, justify our reasoning, clear our conscience, explain away our actions, and know that we’re wrong. If we know and don’t stop what does that make us?
The very worst non-communication
Is when people you know are in trouble. I always say that if you’ve got a friend who is a medium talk to them. We hear so much difficult stuff that other people can’t deal with, we’re good people to talk to.
Make sure to be there in a real way. To say that you’re thinking about them. The ultimate cop out is “I’ve been thinking about you…but life has been so busy…” Someone is in trouble! How do you feel when you are?
We all know that support when we’re in trouble means the world, and we need to deliver that support ourselves. Yes it may make us uncomfortable, trigger bad memories. You can trigger me with illness very easily due to my past, but I take a deep breath, ask for strength, and I listen.
I’m no saint, I just know how much it means, and also what it means. They’re going through it not me. I have to get outside my head and focus on them. I can calm my energy down later.
Most loneliness is caused by people thinking they’re caring but not following up with action. Internal platitudes.
“We do love you mum but you know, life is so busy, the kids need running everywhere, I’m basically an unpaid taxi service. Clarence is up to his ears in work, and I’m just grateful that we have the two week holiday in the Maldives to help us decompress. See you in a few weeks.” As she sits staring out of a window in a care home with nothing to do but wait.
You can survive discomfort when the agony isn’t yours. You really can.
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 