I am so excited to be bringing to you my own brand of self-help, which has a strong focus on the ridiculousness of life. I’m utterly determined in life only to take the serious seriously, and to laugh as much as I can at the rest.
Public health warning
My dear friend Deb is currently crafting a disclaimer about my work, which I will of course re-write using my considerable legal brain. So far hers has reached 8 pages of working out how I can possibly cause trouble and ranges from:
- She may find it fun to have adult images on her false fingernails, but you’ll probably get either expelled or fired. (Seems sad to me, why get in trouble for calling a man a pr*ck when you can just point at him? No one can ever say I am actually rude). I’m just raucous and creating a new form of nude art. I loved that nude art exhibition they did in London, I was there twice a day. And no I’m not one of the inappropriate people they’re talking about in the news. Probably. I was drunk on at least one occasion. Horrible scrap with my dear Elpus over a minuscule matter of a slightly written off two day old top-of-the-range Mercedes. I will tell you that story next and I just know you will empathise completely. Especially if you live in London.)
To
- I would remind you that Mildred is a law unto herself (true) and there is probably no one else on earth who could get away with the things she does. Unless you’re a particularly ridiculous barrister, who can call in a number of markers, scare judges, charm juries, and confuse opposing counsel into agreeing with you. Including asking for the defendant to be let off and recompensed for their trauma and shocking treatment, at the hands of, well…yourself, for which you profoundly apologise and will be happy to pay all costs – do not follow this woman’s example. She is purely for entertainment only, and laughs at the idea of political correctness as she’s never seen a politician even vaguely approach being correct. Can’t argue there.
I’m particularly proud of that second one.
So that’s me. Created to brighten your day. Help you through the very serious by trying to provide a bit of the best medicine. Laughter of course, not alcohol. Laughter isn’t fattening.
This world is in serious times, so much to trouble people all over the world. Both Deb and I know that there is much that we don’t know about a great deal. There are people suffering and struggling in places we’ve never heard of. We’re just offering a few smiles because, truthfully, neither of us have an iota of a clue what else to do right now.
We both hope it will help. Don’t know about you but we’re desperate for a bit of light to counteract this… what is this? Backward race to the dark ages? Time for women to rule the world? 🤷♀️ Put the actual monkeys in charge? They certainly be more fun.
“Could my honourable friend please stop swinging from the balcony and stealing handbags, and I would remind you that throwing said bags at the leader of the opposition is not covered in the Parliamentary code. So saying, said leader, I do not believe that you have the Prime minister in a headlock because you’re thoughtfully de-flea-ing him, and if you do what you’re indicating with that banana I will have you removed from this chamber forthwith! Come down from there! Where did you get that crown? You’re going to get us all shot!”
Wouldn’t that be fun!
Mildred
P.S. NOT the shooting but, to be clear.
P.P.S. Was that politically okay? If I haven’t covered all bases I have a spare two hours and plenty of battery power.
(Oh dear Lord! – D)
Deb Hawken - Amorah 