Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
I only had my grandfather until I was 6, and I do remember being corrected by him, gently, but he was also the only member of my family that I felt certain loved me.
I know I was only small, maybe my memories aren’t accurate, but what I remember after he passed did not feel the same. My brother was favoured, my dad admitted that, a family friend confirmed that, my brother saw that and tried to support me.
My family imploded when I was 9 and never recovered, at the best it was a pause in the Cold War. Mum wouldn’t go near dad’s family if she could avoid it, yet they were some of the nicest, kindest people I’ve ever met, I/we lost out a lot there. I would have had cousins.
They were wealthier than us, but then my uncle worked damned hard building a printing business in his kitchen and back garden shed until he could get a little shop. He was so popular he sometimes quoted double the price because people wouldn’t take “I’m flat out” for an answer, and they just said “how quickly can you do it?”
Mum’s ‘poor’ attitude cost us a lot.
Geris
Until I got him I’d never seen any eyes light up when they saw me. Nor had I experienced such a deep connection to any living thing.
I knew I needed two kittens, that the colouring of one would be unusual, and named them before I saw them. Make no mistake about it, I loved Marby just as much, one thing I was never going to do was favour one ‘child’ over the other and I didn’t have to try not to, she was a beautiful soul. She only caused us 7 hours of worry in her entire life and I absolutely adore her to this day.
Okay she did go missing the night before we went on holiday once, but ever after that if you wanted her in at night and she felt like staying out a bit longer, just shut and lock the back door, turn the lights out, count to ten. You would get to 8.
I could not understand how I knew Geris immediately, I can now, soul groups, but before I knew any of that, I already knew him when I met him. If you’re with your soul mate, partner or friend, soul family is the explanation.
Geris had little time for my ex, but he adored Tony and I was glad of that (even if I maybe did want to put salt in Tony’s coffee sometimes). Tony always says that we’re only together because of Geris, which is true.
Geris did something with him he never did with anyone but me. I picked him up to introduce him to Tony, he rolled on his back and showed Tony’s his tummy for a rub. If that cat took one look at someone and walked out I never trusted them, I would have dumped Tony on the doorstep had Geris not liked him, literally.
The human angle
I’ve only ever had that with two humans, my friend Kim and Tony. I’ve many friends that I like and love a great deal and have done on sight, but only two instant soul-clicks.
One should have been but my Frister is always nervous of meeting new people and I understand why, she’s very straight about what unsettles her, and it’s completely understandable. So it took us two or three meetings before she trusted that she was genuinely wonderful.
Sadly she was made homeless and my husband (of all territory protecting people) immediately said ‘you’re coming to us and can bring Gremmy (cat)”.
He was instantly going to have an almost stranger in the house and a cat that may have upset ours! When we were walking up the road after meeting her he said “I know she was nervous but I love her, I can’t stand him though she deserves better.”
That girl has my back, accepts me as I am, and will even support me in moving away if that’s what we need to do. Kidnap isn’t a crime if you bring the husband and cat(s) as well is it? The S is in brackets because they’ve just lost our beloved Gremmy at 24, and I don’t trust them anymore then I trust us.
We’re friends because Gremmy liked me on sight and allowed me to stroke her, so I’m not the only crazy one in this story.
However…
I also know that the feeling that I was unlovable that followed my from my childhood and did affect relationships. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust the people I met, it was that I didn’t trust that I was likeable let alone loveable.
I hope you’ve had this feeling of knowing that you were/are loved, preferably as a foetus and every moment since. But if you haven’t realise that the damage of your past will affect the way you connect; the ‘I just can’t be hurt anymore’ feeling may be all too familiar. It has a vibe.
Try to let the past go, people sense it, and seek to be an adventurer in life. Yes it might go wrong again, but as long as you take the lessons from past relationships and remember that doing what you’ve always done won’t change anything, you can take that risk.
Keep your eyes open, trust what you see and hear, don’t interpret or make excuses. They’ve been upset for the past thousand days because they had a lousy childhood is no excuse.
They’re not meant to be with you. Fact!
Prove you’ve learned your lessons by moving forward with a smile on your face knowing that you can protect yourself because you just proved it. Now you’re safe.
With love even if I don’t know you. I’m here if you need me. I’ll put up a blog about what I actually do and why it’s very hard to put in an advert. People often can’t get their heads around it, it sounds so not the norm, but it’s true, and it isn’t the norm. 💖
Deb xx
Who wants to be the norm when you can be unique? 🤣
Deb Hawken - Amorah 