The Kindness of My Youth

What makes you feel nostalgic?

I’ve written before about the sense of community and connection in my youth in the late 1950’s, and the dramatic change 15 years later. I literally watched the UK become ‘I’ oriented.

In the 1970s the Labour Party visited schools and told children that their parents were no longer allowed to smack them, and a few other things I forget now. I remember the results though.

Children were allowed to call the police if they were smacked and have their parents arrested. My parents and uncle and aunt agreed years later that they lost control of my brother and cousin in that moment. Both young people paid a very high price.

Anti violence

I loathe violence, but to be honest a smack only ever wounded my pride and made me listen. But I had good parents. Law has never once encouraged a violent parent to stop anyway. Look at society now.

The loss though was one of control. Children became omnipotent. Any form of discipline was met with ‘Touch me and I’ll call the police and have you arrested.’ I watched my brother struggle far more than I did as a result.

Partly because beating my mother wasn’t an option. The woman was a genius. On one occasion my brother decided that he was too old to be told what to do anymore and would behave as he liked. Her solution was brilliant.

He walked in one night, tea table laid for four people, he asked who wasn’t eating. Mum replied ‘You, I don’t feel like cooking for you anymore and I too don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. By the way, your school uniform isn’t washed and your football kit is filthy, you’ll need to learn how to wash them. If you don’t want to be a member of this family that’s fine, you have the right to do as you like, but we don’t have to do anything for you either. You’re going to need a job to pay your keep too.’

He stalked upstairs. About ten minutes later he reappeared and said that he did want to be a part of the family and he was sorry. Bless him. My cousin apparently struggled in similar ways, and there is no doubt in my mind that in driving a wedge between parents and children that Labour government did nothing for child abuse and everything to make children’s lives harder.

Me Myself and I

Is how I characterise life since. The modern rock ‘n roll age created a separation in our society. Firstly between parents and children, then it spread and grew. Today we stay indoors, don’t know our neighbours, work insane hours, and slave labour is still a thing in order to ‘keep prices down’ for companies who make major profits.

Work rules our lives, either because we don’t have it, or we do, or full time workers can’t live on the wages, they can’t afford food!

The stuff we ‘need’ is insane, and that stuff is ruining our lives. Even in the poorest households I see things that we never needed when I was a child. Mobile phones and computers yes, but game stations and enough toys to sink a battleship? What our parents couldn’t pay cash for we didn’t have.

It breaks my heart to think of kids hearing the words no due to money, but on the other hand we were poor so I knew I wouldn’t get what rich kids got, and who cared? This is the crux of the matter.

Fresh air

I didn’t have a game station I had fresh air and a refurbished bicycle. Mum and dad couldn’t afford one for me but someone gave dad an old bicycle frame and he got it painted and refurbished. I felt so lucky. Best bike ever because they tried that hard for me.

I had friends, you just went outside and waited for people to come and play. All welcome. No barriers.

Play was free, we had balls and imagination, what else did we need? Hide and seek, tag, catch, cricket, marbles. My dad found me a big clear marble in the street once and bought it home. I loved it. That small gesture touched me so much I still have it nearly 60 years later.

Small things like that were thrilling and appreciated. No game station could mean as much as that marble. I am so glad that I had that simple experience where the caring and thinking of me was the only currency in the transaction. Where that was what mattered.

By the 1970’s if it wasn’t new, fashionable, on trend and expensive, kids turned their noses up. Not all kids obviously, but you can see in the sheer amount of stuff that many (not all) kids have now, the little fashion statements wandering around in perfect outfits, that the trend has grown to ridiculous proportions. I’m not half as well dressed as some of them!

When I was a child I wrote a Christmas list of three things knowing I’d only get one. My dustpan and brush set to help mum clean the floors still sticks in my mind. As does my mini carpet sweeper. My oldest doll is probably older than you. I appreciated her and still have her.

Ultimately

Kids are supposed to be scuffed, muddy, slightly undone at the seams, and utterly carefree! They’re not nowadays.

They have to keep up appearances at school or they get bullied. So did we, but we knew our parents couldn’t afford to do better and so what? At least we weren’t being raised during a world war like they and our grandparents were.

From the moment you’re born life is proscribed, 90% of us spend more of it doing what we don’t want to do, until graciously we’re set free with hopefully a few mobile years in front of us. We’re allowed time to grow old rather than time to have fun. Although we oldies do pretty good (and rebelliously) with the fun.

That’s why I’m nostalgic for a life where children were free of so many constraints and concerns. I wish that freedom from stuff, fashion, and care, was available now. I truly do.

The only good thing is that this is their childhood, it feels natural. They too will probably worry about the next generation. That’s how life works isn’t it? I’ve often visualised the Elizabethans complaining about the youth of today. 🤣

Life is a weirdly revolving experience.

Deb xx