Just Having a Lie Down

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

People say I’m a procrastinator, but actually I’m very good at making decisions providing the outcome is clear.

Do you want to eat a rat? No.

Do you want dark chocolate? No it’s spawn of the devil.

Do you want to sky dive? Do I look crazy? And no!!!!

However, when the outcome is not clear I have the Gemini attribute of being able to see both sides of the situation, good reasons for both yes and no.

I don’t want to go for a walk but hubby does. So obviously the answer is no and yes. I can see the benefits but I can’t be arsed.

I find with life that very little of it is as clear cut as we would like it to be, or pretend that it is. People have strong beliefs but actually there’s often very little right or wrong.

Let’s be brave and talk politics! Stop screaming! I’m actually neutral on the subject. If I see a party with a leader I like I will vote for that party. I did once vote for Screaming Lord Such’s party in desperation.

But politics a good example of people being raised in one colour household and sticking to that for the rest of their lives, rabidly, voting for idiots no matter what. England won’t risk a 3rd way.

Only the fact that there have been one or two shining stars in government over the years, stops me calling them all idiots. If I hear “let me be completely clear” followed by 20 minutes of total lack of clarity, once more, I will put laxatives in their tea urns.

My big decision

The hardest decision I ever had to make was to end my first marriage, and that’s because I didn’t listen to terrific advice. Let me share it with you:

“Stop agonising. You won’t leave the marriage until the time is right for you no matter how hard you try. You will know when you’re ready to leave.”

So I agonised for another six years. Then one Saturday lunch time I was washing up a tea cup. I put it down. Walked into the living room and said “This marriage is over.” Just like that. There was no decision to be made.

As such I’ve never once regretted that decision. With what followed it you may think I would. He turned my family and all but three of my friends against me.

The effects reverberated for 30 years. A beloved aunt and uncle died and I felt almost nothing. That was so sad. But when they side against you and leave you entirely alone, there’s no going back. That was an easy decision too. My parents and I got to a better place, but it was never the same. Thank God my brother and I are good. We have let it all stay in the past.

Knowing all that, in that moment, there is still nothing else I would have done or could have done.

For the big things wait for that clarity. People will tell you that you should be doing this, that, or the other, but this is your life and it’s you who has to live with your decisions.

Hard decisions make themselves if you’re determined to put the problem right and wait until that change feels right. Just don’t back off the decision in your mind. I AM doing this and I Will know when.

But remember: if someone is abusive to you in any way, there is no decision to be made. They just made it for you.

Deb xx