Such a simple message with a lifetime of meaning. The moment you stop being yourself in order to make life easier for others, you lose the uniqueness that is the real you.
Obviously we can’t live our lives running roughshod over others, demanding everything we want, when we want it, our way. We also can’t live our lives as a shadow of other people.
If you can be flexible without losing yourself, go for it. If you’re constantly adjusting yourself until you start to feel lost, then you need to call a halt. Everyone has the right to be themselves, their way.
I married a man I didn’t want to be with so that I didn’t let down three much loved parents, my dad knew it was all wrong and gave me a way out, but my in-laws-to-be were so excited, and my mum was over the moon, so I went with it. I thought of others and nearly destroyed myself.
I was forced into a job when I was 17 years old. My dad also worked for the same company, he got me an interview because I couldn’t cope in my then role, and dared me to let him down by not getting the job. I did get the job, I didn’t let him down, but I went through hell, bullying, and sexual harassment to make him look good. When I told him he didn’t believe me, but I’m not surprised by that as these were people he considered to be friends of his, I don’t think he could take it in.
We didn’t think
I was young many decades ago and we weren’t taught to think about ourselves as individuals and what we wanted. My childhood was a symptom of its time where parents were right and you trusted that. No one was at fault, that’s just how it was.
Another issue is lack of firm intention. We get born, go to school, go to work, meet some people, have a few romances, settle down with someone, have some houses, holidays, children, and then we’re 60! That’s how life passes you by and you lose your uniqueness drifting along with the tide.
So…
If this resonates with you, or scares you (hopefully) why not stop, breathe, see your life as important, yourself as unique, step off the treadmill, and ask yourself what you want and why? If you can live a life aligned with your true self, you’ll never lose what it means to be you. You’ll also teach your children a very important lesson.
To self-determination by right of birth.
Deb xx
Deb Hawken - Amorah 