More a Time

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

I came out of a very bad marriage in 1991, 17 years with a gaslighter. This was compounded by a childhood of emotional hurt. At this point in my life I was badly bowed but not broken. You know how strong trees break in the wind and supple trees give with the wind; I’m flexible.

I’m also as stubborn as a cart load of monkeys. Tell me I can’t do something and I will. Just don’t forget the flexibility – I will decide if I want to do it. I’m not one of those people who would throw themself headlong off a cliff to prove my point.

I wasn’t ready to rule myself

During the 1990s I made a lot of mistakes. I met the love of my life but even that didn’t save me. Mainly because his youth isn’t anything to write home about, and the two damages had an effect. We’ve made it because we get that.

He had never been part of a close knit family, he doesn’t know how to be, which was good because my family took a guy from New Zealand, over here alone, and instead of drawing him in they sided with my ex and threw us out. They paid for that though, he destroyed them. He also meddled with all my friendships except the three he could never hope to touch.

So, when I who had been tossed out of my entire family needed company, just someone to be there, my one true love went to work for 14 hours a day. This didn’t help my anxiety it doubled it. He just wasn’t used to being important, part of something. He didn’t know what to do.

As a result, when I should have been putting my life right I didn’t have time, I was too busy just trying to stay sane.

Special times

The 30s and 40s are the most magical time in an adult life. Please never forget those words if you’re younger and take notice if you’re in that bracket.

You’ve gained some good life knowledge, even if it feels bad, as mine did, it’s superb life guidance about who, what, and how you don’t want to be. What you don’t want to do.

Now start using that knowledge to build your dreams while you’re still young enough to enjoy them and reap the rewards.

I didn’t find what I did want to do because I was emotionally exhausted. I barely had the strength to get up in the mornings. But I did. Every morning.

Don’t let life take you down that route. When I look back on 1991-2001 I would do so much differently it’s not true. I’d still live in London for one thing.

Never let other people make decisions for you when you know you’re not in the right place to make them yourself. Never go with the flow because you don’t feel worthy of using the word no and meaning it.

Take control of your life and live it.

Abandon hope?

This does not mean that if you’re in your 50s you throw up your hands now and sit in a heap. Your life is over! Hope is dead! You’ve missed the boat?

Absolutely unequivocally NOT!

You’re just going to have to be like me and do it differently. Maybe there are things you could-a should-a done that aren’t possible now. That can be true. It’s way too late to be a teenage entrepreneur.

There are things you can do though. Anyone can start a new dream at any time. Not even an age appropriate dream. No such thing

Just let go of the past and take one step on a new path. You’ve got even more tools at your disposal to create a better life.

I’m in my mid 60’s, I’m more peaceful than I’ve ever been, content, my work (or great love) is going better than ever. I’m not frantically busy, far from it, but I’ve learned that only truly unique people genuinely want to change. Groups take note.

You are literally never too old to start again, you can be a mature-preneur.

You can if you will. But you may find that what you thought was important isn’t and your true dream is something quite different.

Triumph from disaster

My life is better than ever, if young people give me the ‘but you’re old’ look, I just tell them to pray to be like me at this age.

I’m not old. I’m not bitter. I’m not jaded. I’m not stuck in a rut. I’m not bored (most of the time). I like to change things up. Upend the status quo. Defy the social rules and apply soul rules – anything goes as long as it’s good and creates good. I don’t defy the laws though! Going to prison isn’t on my wish list.

And no I do not have a bucket list! I will not live because I’m going to die. I live because I’m alive! Anyway, I can always come back and pick up where I left off. A three month old inspirational speaker: imagine! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have a wish list and a dream achieving programme. Wish me luck with world peace though. I’m going to need it. We all are.

So, I had a lost decade, perhaps a bit longer, when I could have done so much, but it didn’t lead to a lost life. Do you know what I didn’t do? Write. What am I doing now? Writing. How is it going? Better than ever. Am I noodling with books again? Yes. Am I looking to get my plays out there? Yes. My poems are now out there.

I gained wisdom, lost hurt, and created a life. You can too.

Deb xx